Vacations wear me out

Being home feels good!  Vacations are exhausting!  We were gone about 2 1/2 weeks and enjoyed every minute of it.

I'm not going to lie, it was hard making smart food choices!  My mom was having her entire kitchen remodeled...that meant lots of pizza and other eating out.  I was worried about the scale.

I came home last night, and decided to wait till the end of the week to step on the scale officially.  (It's that time of the month and I ALWAYS sway up a few pounds thanks to mother nature!)  I'm guessing I'll probably be about where I was when I left.

Good, that I'm not up a super lot.
Bad, because I'm tired of putting around.

In other news, I bought a new app for my phone.  An app that I am hoping will get me to love running again....we shall see.  (Because we all know that the app doesn't "run" by itself, it's going to require ME to get up and tie my shoes and run.  Oh boy....)

Make everyday count

So things are moving...slowly but surely.

180.6 was my weight today.  That puts me down 1.7 pounds for the week.

Not as much as I'd hoped for, but I also haven't been doing EVERYTHING IN MY POWER this past week.

These next few weeks, things will be different.  I am heading out for a boating trip this week and then the next 2 weeks are going to be unusual.  I won't be home most of the time, that scares me.  I eat better when I have control of my surroundings.

By the time I get back to my own home, June will be over.  I don't want to still be stuck in the 80's in July...I have a lot of work to do before I head back to school in the end of August.  To accomplish that, I have to make every day count.

So that's where I'm going to start...

Today is going to count!

11 more pounds until I rejoin the FaceBook world...

Nothing new, nothing bad

I'm still plugging along.  I'm really wanting to focus on upping my activity this week.  I feel like I'm mostly good at eating.  (Or rather, I'm mostly good at grocery shopping...I decide to leave all the yummy junky food at the store.  If it's not in my house, I am way too lazy to go out and buy it when I'm having a craving!)

The scale is fluctuating at about what it was last Tuesday.  But it's weird.  It's almost like the scale knows when my "weekly weigh-ins" are.  It seems to drop a good amount from Monday night to Tuesday morning.....as long as I'm doing what I should be.

(Here's hoping that's the case for tomorrow morning!)

Green Breakfast

This morning I wanted to try a green smoothie for breakfast.

I have put spinach in many smoothies in the past.

It's fantastic because there is NO TASTE to it!  

However, usually in the past I've used dark berries to hide the "green." 

Something about drinking a greenish mixture has made me want to gag in the past.

But I didn't want to add a bunch of berries today.  I wanted to make it filling, and have some protein.

So here it is:

I may or may not have gaged a little when I was sipping the drink and looking down at the green...but I realized quickly that could be avoided if I focused on something else while drinking.  

Because truthfully, the drink tasted great!  I knew that it meant the gagging was all in my head...

The smoothie was super easy to make:

1 frozen sliced banana (slice and peel before freezing!)

1 Tbsp peanut butter

1/2 C Vanilla Choibani Greek Yogurt

1 C Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Breeze

I then filled the blender to the top with as much spinach as would fit.

(Total calories:  200)

Blend that baby smooth, and walah!  

Deliciousness!

As I was drinking it, my baby boy saw the drink and the straw and wanted some...

Even he loved it, I had to fight him off!  (Next time I'll make him his own...)

Weekly report

I weighed in this morning.  The scale is moving, and I kinda like it.

182.3 this morning.

Weekly loss:  2.3 pounds

I'll take it, and hopefully over this next week I'll work a little harder and see a little more...

FaceBook update:  Only 12.7 pounds until Jason tells me my password and I can log in...

Survived the weekend

I made it through this past weekend.  It was a pretty successful and busy weekend, if I do say so myself.

I even played homemaker for a while and made a little of this...

and a little of that....

You can read more about "this" on my family blog here, but the jam was delish!  And a little comment on "that"....dangerous!  For those that don't know me, I'm a cookie dough fein!  I am not going to lie, when I went to bed last night I was worried!  And this morning, I couldn't wait until tomorrow...I had to step on the scale and see the damage done.  Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I thought.  I'm down a little right now from last Tuesday.  This boosts my excitement and motivation to do well today.  (Why do I base my emotions on the silly number on the scale?)  (I'm really going to have to ponder that question for another post later...)

The bad news of the weekend:  I had to take my fuel band off for a few days because my skin was raw.  You see, I have a weird skin condition...or maybe allergy.  I get ridiculously itchy bumps all over my skin where metal touches the skin.  I use cortisone cream most of the time...that, combined with removing the fuel band at nights has helped keep the issue in check.  Only, Friday night...I forgot to take the fuel band off before bed.  So I allowed my wrist some healing time.  But, it's back on today...and I'm already tracking.  :)

Hope the weekend was a success for all....keep working on becoming the person you are destined to be!

Back again...

Are you surprised?  :)

I go MONTHS with no accountability, but I'm back.

I even "quit" FaceBook until I can get focused and lose weight.  I had Jason change my password on FB and I have quit until I am down 15 pounds.  That means I won't be on FaceBook again until I see the 160's....169 to be exact.

I did that because I realize I waste time on FB.  I figured if I have time to waste there, I have more time I could be focusing on being active.  It was WAY TOO EASY to have access to FB on my iPhone.  I would open the app a lot.  TOO MUCH.

So I fixed the problem.  And now I have to work to get back on the site...kinda fun to be working toward something.

Yesterday I finished and hit my goal, but I haven't been very good at going above and beyond.

Today that is what I'm pushing myself for.  I will hit 4,000 today.  No excuses...

Let's make today better than yesterday...are you with me?

Consistent, with no excuses.

Yesterday I pushed myself to finish my fuel points again.

It wasn't easy.

I wanted to stop at 1700, at 2361, at 2948.  Even at 3210.

But I didn't.  I kept going.

I can't lie to you and say it was easy.  I'm not sure what my issues are lately, but emotional is an understatement!  (And when I get emotional, I want to eat...LOTS.  And I want to sit in bed....LOTS.)

But rather than doing that, I picked myself up and tied my shoelaces up.  I went to work.  I wish I could say that solved the stuff I'm feeling right now.  It didn't.  But it probably helped.

As for eating yesterday....I give myself a B-.  I didn't fail miserably, but I also wasn't as good as I should have been!  (Hard when you have double stuffed oreos in the house!)

I haven't weighed myself for today yet...and I think I probably won't.  I am going to wait until the week is up.  It's too emotionally draining to weigh myself each day seeing the ups and downs.

So onto today, I'm gonna move it and shake it a little more!  :)  I might even try Zumba out with a neighbor....

Funny

I went back through my posts yesterday...back to the beginning.  I laughed out loud.  (Mostly in frustration.)  Yesterday my weight was almost exactly what my "starting" weight was on this blog way back last July.  Only last July, I was proud of this weight.  Yesterday I was ashamed.

So I thought about it all last night.  (As I was working out!)  Yes, it's disheartening to be BACK here.  But I need to let go of it.  I have still lost an amazing 48.6 pounds along this long journey.  I have come to realize I was foolish for putting a "deadline" on my weight.  It took me over a decade to put this weight on.  During that time I learned some terrible habits that I am still trying to break....habits that I will probably battle for the rest of my life!  I am a work in progress.  That is why I chose the blog name I did...My life IS IN progress!  I will get there because I will not quit.

So today I am celebrating all 48.6 pounds I have lost this far.  And slowly, I'll continue to add to that number day by day, inch by inch.

Last year, I learned that consistency is the key.  I will find that painful key again because I can do hard things....you just watch and see!


SIDE NOTE:  I have been using the Nike+ Fuel Band for a little less than a month (minus the week I was on the cruise.)  I love it.  It is eye opening to see how much (or little, in my case) you do during the day.  I have set a daily Fuel Points goal at 3500 for now, but I will be upping it to 4000 before the end of the week.  I wear the band everywhere I go and can track my progress on my iPhone or on the band all day long.  (I can even compete against others with the band!)

So here's my accountability for yesterday.  Yesterday, when I had no intention of hitting my goal.  Yesterday, when I wrote the blog post I was at a measly 700 fuel points.  Math question:  do you know the difference between 3500 and 700?  A LOT!

But I stayed up, late after the kids went to sleep.  I walked and walked and walked.  (I felt like a pioneer!) By 11:37pm I hit goal (23 minutes to spare...)

But I hit it...3510 with over 10,000 steps in for the day.  Now to keep movin for today (I have 14 fuel points as of right now)...

Feelings

So I have a lot of feelings running through my head.

Most of them start with embarrassed and end with humiliated.

You see I have really been stupid.

I have worked hard and as of late I have just plain old given up.

I might as well have thrown in the towel.

Yep.

Humiliated just about covers it.

I mean, really!  Who loses like 70 pounds so they can stand up, clear their throat and whisper...I've gained back almost 30 of it.

Seriously.

I wasn't even going to post that.  Truthfully, I was going to make the blog private to talk about this.  THAT is how embarrassing it is to own up to this.  It makes me mad.  I makes me want to cry.  It even makes me want to give up and scarf down the cookies in my pantry.

I was ridiculously embarrassed when I had gained 12 pounds...then 15...then 17.  Now I don't even want to face myself let alone anyone who MIGHT happen to read this.

Yes, I could justify the big gains with school, husband gone all the time, going on a cruise.

But really...they are all excuses.  If I'm being honest...and honest is what I need to be...then the truth is I have been making some really sucky decisions lately.  I'm tempted to start WW again...but it costs a lot of moolah, and I don't feel it's something I can budget in right now.  ($50/month)

So this is on me.  On my shoulders.  I have to go back to why I did this to begin with.  I have to refocus on setting a better example...because lately I've been doing a pretty terrible job.

I am done living in the past.  Yes, I was down in the 150's for a 1/2 second.  I was in the 160's even longer!!  Now I'm not.  Now I'm back in the 180's GASP.  I think the world might end now that I've said that out loud.  (Seriously, you have no idea how terribly hard it is for me to admit I've gained THAT MUCH back!)  (And it's not even the low 180's....we're talking mid to high 80's!  We're talking stand on the scale with tears in my eyes asking myself why, why, WHY!?

I mean really....who does that?  Who just throws their hands in the air and turns their back to the scale.....pretending it doesn't exist?

I did.

But not anymore.

I figure I can either start playing the game of hardball ....or I have to be okay with being fat.

I will NEVER be okay with being fat.

The fat girl inside of me tries to trick me when I'm most vulnerable though.  She tells me, "It's not all that bad...really, it's only a few pounds here and a few there."

SHE LIES!

Having excess weight is terrible.  Sure, for vain reasons.  But right now Alisha...right this second remember the difference you are feeling in your breathing.  Remember how awful it feels to walk into your closet knowing all your clothes USED to fit.  Now, I search for baggy....unfortunately, sweatshirts don't really fly when it's like 100 degrees outside!

So yes.  That girl lies to you to make herself feel better.  You do not want her to feel better.  You should not feel good at all about where you are.  Take where you are right now and make it better tomorrow...and next week.  Figure this crap out.

Today.  I am back.  I am not quitting.  I am not quitting on myself.  Not today, not ever.  This may take me a lot longer that I had originally planned, but I will not quit on myself.  I wasn't raised a quitter, I'm not raising quitters, and I'm surely not a quitter!

Today.  I am back.  Watch out.