Monday, January 30, 2012

Where have I been?

Let's see...I've been lost, I've been busy, I've been swamped, I've been sick, I've been nursing sick kids back to health, I've fallen apart, I've gotten back up.

Life is insane.  Really insane.  And hard.

By hard, I mean like really super duper ridiculously difficult.

But the hard things pay off in the end.....right?


I'm still stuck in my ways.  Not gaining, not loosing.  Wanna know why?  Because I'm not changing things up like I need to!

I found a picture today that scared me though.
That was me, just a short year ago (a year ago in November).  I was big.  Yes, I was pregnant...but not pregnant enough.  Mostly, I was just fat.

I don't want to meet that girl again.  But scarily (is that a word?) she lives inside of me.  She rears her ugly appetite when delicious muffins are around, or cheesecake is mentioned.  She comes out of the closet like a girl with a vengeance.

I am trying my best to curb her.  To lock her up and throw away the key.  But I don't want to get rid of her forever.

You see, if I get rid of her...I might forget.  I might go back.  I can't go back.  It's hard enough staying where I'm at now.  (I hate where I'm at right now, I hate that I'm not loosing like I was before.)  But as bad as it is where I am now, I realize how TERRIBLE going back to that picture would feel!

I lugged my Redhead to bed last night, she was heavy!  Like 40-some-odd-pounds heavy.  1/2 way up the stairs I realized I used to carry around more than her ALL DAY LONG.  Can you imagine?

Do you want to know an even scarier thought?

I still have about her weight to lose......

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