April update

Things have been a bit crazy around here.  Right now I've been trying to juggle about 283572983 balls.

I have still been plugging along.  I just haven't had a second to update on here.  I started school again in March and it, along with work and being a mom/wife has kept me busy!  We've got kids in sports which also means games/practices ALL.THE.TIME.

With all that on my plate, something has to give.  And the fall out has been the blog.  Usually when I stop posting on here it means I've been neglecting my health.  This time, that is NOT the case.

Just yesterday I hit my 72 day streak for my daily working out.  I weighed in April 1st (as did Jason) and have our results for the first quarter.

Alisha's total weight loss for the first quarter of the year:  26.3 lbs
Jason's total weight loss for the first quarter of the year:  38.3 lbs

Not too shabby, right?!

Since April 1st, both Jason and I have been plugging along.  But the scale has been slow to move.  Or, even worse, it's moved back in the wrong direction.

We decided this last week to start something new. Clean Eating.

Now, let me start by saying I felt like I was a pretty good eater 80-85% of the time.  But that 15-20% would always set me back and I'd get so frustrated!  I constantly found myself saying 'why is it so freaking hard to lose weight and with one meal I can jump back up 8 pounds.'

So Saturday we went shopping and bought everything we needed to begin following a meal plan from Clean Simple Eats.  40 days of clean eating is what we committed to.

A) It was expensive.  Why is "healthy" food so freaking much!?
B) I was worried about the recipes.
C) While grocery shopping, I felt like I had a huge sign across my face saying "I'm clean eating STUPID" while in the health food isles.

But we managed to get all the food and start.

Now, Saturday night we did cave and order pizza one last time.

Sunday morning, we weighed in and took pictures as we started this 40 day journey.  I feel like my weight was higher than is fair to report because of the pizza/bloating/water retention.  But I can only go off what the scale says.

3 days in and I'm LOVING the results.  I'm LOVING LOVING LOVING the food!

We've had one recipe that I can say I had to choke down.  Every other meal has been delicious!

And, 3 days in and I'm already down 8 pounds from when we started.  Jason is down over 10.  Now some of this could be because our bodies are being "shocked" into clean eating, especially after pizza Saturday night.

BUT.  Like I said above, I didn't feel like my eating was all that bad before.  I'd always do a green smoothie in the morning.  A protein bar for lunch.  Then dinner was usually something with high protein and lower carbs.  Snacks would be healthy...fruit or nuts.  I was giving myself one cheat day a week as long as I ate great all the rest of the week.  But that one cheat day would jump me back up a few lbs.

We are committed to sticking with this for 40 days.  I'd love to see where I'm at with my body after continuing to lift weights and do cardio and now adding in ZERO processed foods.

What I'm most excited about?  In the next day or two I should FINALLY be out of the stupid 180's.  I've been dancing around in the 80's for far too long.  And frankly I just really hate the number 8.  I'm ready to fall in love with 170's again....

Reality Hurts

There are times I make some lofty goals.  
You know, the whole dream big concept.
Only, I fall.  Or fail.
Or both.

Today is August 22nd.
I'm not even close to where I wanted to be.
Not on the scale, not on the miles on runs.

Honestly, I've been hiding from the truth.
I've been avoiding the whole come clean process.

Sure, I could fill this blog with some very valid excuses.
I could sit and tell you all how hard August has been.
I could tell you about my job and the crazy hours/days I've been working.
I could tell you about so much that has been happening (mentally and physically).

But where will that get me?

I don't want pity.  I don't want a way out.
I definitely don't need someone excusing my behavior.

Because frankly, my behavior has stunk.
Sure, I've been busy.  Who isn't?!
But I could have found opportunities to make the time for what's important.
I could have sucked it up and made it happen.

But here I am, wishing I would have.

And this feeling sucks.

I was supposed to be working to lose weight to head to Marco Island in December with Jason.  (Something I REALLY, really, REALLY wanted.)
I was supposed to be working hard to run and train for the St. George Marathon.
(Something I REALLY, really, REALLY wanted.)

Neither has happened.  I am most certainly not where I planned to be.
I'm embarrassed, I'm disappointed, I'm frustrated.

Dare I say it, part of me even wants to quit.
It's easier to just quit, you know.  It's easier to pretend like I don't care.

But the thing is, I do care.
I care about achieving goals I have set.

I'm not crazy enough to believe I still have a chance at hitting my goal by September 6th to buy my ticket to Marco Island.  And I'm not about to buy it anyway, just because I want to go and can afford the ticket.  I truly don't feel I've worked for it.  I've seen the work Jason has put in.  (Holy smokes, he's looking good as she shrinks away...)  It wouldn't be right for me to assume I can just go despite not putting in my end of the deal.

Does that mean I quit?  Does that mean I give up?
No.

I may not get to Marco Island, but was that the end goal?  No.  It would have been a nice perk!  But the end goal is finding myself again after this pregnancy.  The end goal is getting my healthy body back again.  And I owe it to my kids, my family, and myself to keep pushing for that.

Now about this other lofty goal....the marathon.

I'm not even going to pretend I'm going to be ready like I hoped.
I won't.
I haven't put in the miles to even consider making a "time" goal for the race.
So here I am.  Throwing it all out the window.
I'm determined to start that race.  And I'm going to give it every last ounce of effort I have within me to finish.  I will leave it all out there on the road that day.

And between now and then, I'm going to gain some laser focus.  A wise friend (who consequently is also running this race with me) reminded me today to stop beating myself up.  To stop thinking about what I haven't accomplished, and focus instead on what I have.  To focus instead on the time I have left and not let it slip away.

So here I go.

I make no promises.

I am making no loft, dream big goals.

My only goal right now is to focus each hour of the day, because at this point...that seems pretty hard to do!

Everything starts with a choice, right?  So each choice I make, the question will be....'will this bring me closer to finishing the marathon, or will this set me back?"

Honesty

Last week I spent the week in one of my favorite places EVER.  

Lake Powell

We had a fantastic time enjoying skiing

Tubing

Knee Boarding

Swimming

And so much more!

That being said, Lake Powell came at a crummy time for me.

You see, I was already a little behind on what I needed to be at for my weight in order to go to Florida in December.  But I gave it a valiant effort to stay away from all the delicious treats while I was down there.

Was I perfect? 

Nope.

Could I have been worse?

Ohhh yes!

Once I got home, I've been pre-occupied with some other things happening and didn't put anytime into focusing on jumping back into working out or eating well.

But yesterday was July 1st.  

And Monday, (the 30th) I started a weight loss competition with an old softball friend of mine.

So I figured new month, new contest, new focus!

Just a re-cap on last month...

I started the month off at:

I finished the month off at:

Pretty pathetic, right?  0.3 pounds down.

What that number doesn't show you is how low I actually got for the month.

What that number also doesn't tell you is the water weight I must have been holding on to from Lake Powell.  You see, between Monday and today (the 2nd) all that has changed is 2 runs, lifting weights, and a little extra caution with my diet.  (Read:  no grains, lots of veggies, lots of water)

I didn't weigh in yesterday.  But today I jumped on the scale after my 4 mile run and saw this:

I was pleasantly surprised to be starting July off at the lowest number I had seen in June.

Now for some work!

On Instagram I made some goals as part of a #JulyFitnessPhotoChallenge to help me continue to drop and stay focused:

1.  Run 4 times a week (marathon training)

2.  Lift at least 3 times a week (in our home gym)

3.  No grains for 6/7 days of the week (I'm allowing one free day)

4.  Be outdoors and active 1 day a week with kiddos/family (hike, swim, bike, walk, etc)

So there you have it.

My July plan.

Here's to seeing how much change I can muster up in the next 31 days 

(well...since today is already the 2nd, I guess I only have 29 days left.....)

One Week In

We are officially one week into our challenge to lose weight by the wedding (so I can go to Marco Island, FL in December).

Just a re-cap, in case you aren't aware of what's happening:
Jason and I agreed that we both wanted to push to get healthy.  My youngest brother is getting married September 6th.  That gives us a great deadline to push for.  We decided if we BOTH lose 45 lbs by that date that I can book my plane ticket to Marco Island, FL and enjoy a little relaxation with Jason when he has his annual sales conference on the beautiful beach.

We started last week, and today we needed to weigh in 3 lbs less than last Monday.
Jason needed to be at 275.1 for a 3 lb loss, and I needed to be at 201.9.

........Drum Roll Please........


Jason: 271.1 (a 7 pound loss!!!)
Alisha:  198.9 (a 6 pound loss!!!)

We both more than doubled what we needed to do this week!

I already know the question we are going to get....HOW?
Simple:  NO grains.  NO sweets.  LOTS of veggies!!

Next weeks goal:
Jason:  268.1
Alisha:  195.9

Choose to be conscious

Sometimes I think about blogging, and then I don't know what to say.
Sometimes I think about blogging, and then I just get busy.
Today, I thought about blogging, and knew I needed to do it.

I've been working hard to get my eating in order.  I went an entire week without grains.  During that week I dropped 6 pounds.  SIX!

I couldn't believe it!

Then.  I got munchy.  And lazy.

So now, today I am focused again.
The Mr. and I made a deal.
In December, he always has a sales conference.  For the last few years they have always gone to Marco Island, Florida.  I went with him once and it was beautiful and relaxing.  I wanted to join him on other trips there, but logistics have never worked out.  This year is different.

We both agreed that Marco Island was worth working for.  (Along with other big events happening.)  So we made an agreement.  If we BOTH had lost a pre-determined amount of weight by September, I would book a ticket and join him.

We are doing this today, we are doing this together.  We have 15 weeks until my brother's wedding and that is the date we will hopefully book my flight to Marco Island.

We set our goal high, figuring we needed to average a loss of 3 lbs a week.  That is 45 pounds by the beginning of September.

It won't be easy.  Not even a little bit.
It's going to take focus.
And desire.
But I know we can do it.

We weighed in yesterday:
Alisha:  204.9
Jason:  278.1

By September 6th, we need to be at:
Alisha: 159.9
Jason: 233.1
(When I look at that number it seems like a mountain I can't climb.  It seems far.  Undoable.)

So instead, I'm focusing on just this week!
Alisha:  201.9
Jason: 275.1

One ounce at a time.  One week at a time.  One day at a time.  One decision at at time!
Choose to be conscious this week, choose to be focused!

Where are you going to be a week from now?  What choices are you making today to ensure your success???

Eating My Feelings

Yep, this has been me for the last 3 or 4 days.

I'm not even going to pretend.

It hasn't been pretty.

I think the only thing I haven't eaten is the dog food...

My emotions have been whack-a-doodle for this week.

Some because of stuff happening.

Some because of frustrations about things not happening.

Rather than face things, I've jumped head first into all things delicious bad.

I finally stepped on the scale to face the music. 

It was bad.

Like SUUUUUUUUUPER bad.

Like I can't even post it today because I'm too embarrassed.

But.  I've promised to stay accountable.

So tomorrow, come good or bad, Fitness Friday will be happening.

But I'm going to be drinking an entire lake of water today 

and drinking green smoothies in hopes of doing some damage control.

What should this tell you?

I'm more human than I wish I were. 

Because once again, my knees hurt from falling down.

Taking 4 steps forward is frustrating when the next moment 

you are taking 302942039482039 steps backward.

Please excuse me, I've got to force myself out the door for a run.

Fitness Friday

Update:  I've created a google doc where I am tracking my Fitness Friday weight.  Each week I'll post the link in my Friday post.  You are welcome to join me in tracking your weight week-to-week.  You can even put initials for your name if you'd like to keep it private.  (Or even put an alias.)  I left the "start date" un-dated, hoping that people will want to join in and start tracking even if they didn't start back when I did.  Join my Fitness Friday HERE

It's Friday.  

That means it is weigh in day.  

Last week I was at 205.5.

This week, the scale showed this:

That gives me a total loss for the week of 2.2 pounds.

Would I love for that number to be higher?

Um, yeah.  Of course.

But I really need to wrap my head around the fact that a 2 pound loss is a great week!

Sometimes I just have unrealistic expectations and need to tell myself to simmer down.

So, if you are following along since I started my accountability 'Fitness Friday's' (2 weeks ago) I have now lost 3.3 pounds.  I would have loved for that number to be higher...

but Alisha, SIMMER DOWN.  

The positive is that I am lower than I've been since Valentines Day.  

This last week, I tried real hard to not indulge on sweets.  

Was I successful 100% of the time?

No.

I would say about 87.8%.

(Yes, the 0.8% TOTALLY counts!)

How did your week shape up?

Are you were you hoped you'd be?  

Are you playing along with 'Springing for Steps' this month?  And have you tracked?

What are your plans to get through the weekend and make it to the 1/2 point of this month?

Roll Call!

How is this months challenge shaping up for you??

Springing for Steps is in full gear and I'm excited to watch all of you track your miles.
I just updated mine for the month so far...have you?

UPDATE THEM HERE


It's not too late to join us if you haven't already, sign up and commit to making April great!

Springing for Steps!

So all throughout March, I've been tracking my miles.  I wanted to focus on putting in the activity.  Yesterday was the last day of March, and I tracked my last #MarchingForMiles.

Can I just say, I was kind of impressed with myself, 57 miles in March.  If you look at the picture above, you'll notice my activity has double each and every month since January.  Not too shabby!

I have decided to continue tracking, and have made a little spreadsheet on Google Docs in case anyone wants to push themselves this month.  I will be referencing the sheet weekly, reminding people to track their activity.

You might be asking, what activity is acceptable to track?  ANY.  I did this last month, and some people tracked every step they took all month long and logged that.  Others tracked swimming and biking miles.  Some tracked only running or walking.

It is 100% up to you.  The key:  decide how many miles you'll go....then get to work!

While I think it would be awesome to double my mileage again this month...alas, my training does not have me doing that.  So based on what I'm scheduled to stick with for my training, I'm committing to 75 miles.

I would love for you to join with me!  Click HERE and it will take you to the spreadsheet.  You can put your initials...or your real name...or just your first name.

I promise, it will put a spring in your step.  Don't forget to use the hashtag #SpringingForSteps so I can cheer you all along!!!

Monday Marathon Training

I'm not going to lie.  This last week was difficult.  I was dealing with some plantar faciitis on Monday.  So I opted to make my shorter runs this week walks.  I felt confident that I was still getting in distance without pounding on my feet to aggravate the PF even more.

By Wednesday, I had a nasty head cold and all I wanted to do is lay in bed, doped up on Sudafed or Tylenol Cold.

So my training over the last week went like this:

• Monday I had a 2.56 mile walk.  No pain, just a simple and easy walk.
• Tuesday I also got in a quick walk, 2.09 miles.  
• Thursday, I opted to do another walk (1.67 miles) so that I didn't over do it with my PF and sickness for Saturday.
• Saturday was my long run day.  7 miles.

Total weekly mileage:  13.32 miles.

Now for the good, bad, and ugly.

By Saturday, I was excited for my run.  I was excited to feel my legs moving.  Only, I let my head get in the way.  The day was BEAUTIFUL!  I couldn't have asked for better weather.  The course was equally pretty...although the end had some up and down hills that I wasn't very fond of.  But the scenery was great.  But I just couldn't get into it.  At all!




You see, I made a huge mistake.  I started feeling sorry for myself.  This journey is hard.  Like extremely hard.  And if I'm being completely honest (which I always am on here...) Saturday, it SUCKED.  I spent the last 2.5 miles of my run crying.  At one point I even stopped running and called Jason in tears.  I wanted him to come pick me up and bring me to the car so I could just be done.  (He didn't.)  I cried to him about how hard this all is.  It's stupid.  I am frustrated.  I already lost all this weight once, and I was feeling very bitter about having to start basically at square one again.  He gave me a mini-pep talk and told me to finish strong.  I did not finish strong.  But I finished, and there is strength in that!

On my run, I started comparing myself and my current place to others.  I started wishing I was faster.  Wishing I could finish races in my "goal" times.  Wishing I hadn't spent the last ump-teen months eating cookies and ice cream.

Then I remembered a thought I read.
"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.  The second next best time is now."
 --Chinese Proverb

How powerful.  How insightful.  Sure, it's always easy to say...'oh I wish I would have just started before....how much easier it would be now!'

But I can't dwell on that.  And neither can you!  This journey is constantly in progress.  There is no finish line.  But the best time to start working on yourself is now.  Because what you do today, determines what your tomorrow will look like.

Do not fall into the trap of comparison.  When I got home from my run Saturday, I had to have a few friends and my husband shake some sense in to me.  What I accomplished this week was fantastic, and what I accomplished this month has been double what I did last month.  (And February was double what I did in January.)  It is only myself that I should compare me to.

That is the only FAIR comparison.  That is the only comparison that matters.  So while I am not going to be joining the olympics anytime soon, or breaking any records with my pace...just know this.  I'm out there doing it.  And I hope you are too!  Because together, each day we do right puts us closer to the person we want to be!

Fitness Friday!

The weekend is upon us.  I have a lot I want to accomplish.  The hard part is actually DOING it.  

So yesterday, I called and seriously considered starting Weight Watchers again.

Jason's work has a killer deal they offer, so I was ready to jump on it ($17 for a monthly pass).

The only problem?  

I live in a franchise area, and we can't make it work.

I was frustrated.

But if I'm being honest, I was frustrated at myself.

You see, I know what I have to do.

I know what it takes.

I KNOW that I can't out-work at bad diet.

But there was something about the accountability of weighing in on THEIR scale.

It made me focus.

So.

Rather than forking out the 42/month it would cost me to sign up...

I'm going to use you as my WW scale.

I'm going to push through and make myself accountable to each of you.

I'm going to remember that each week, I've committed to weighing in here...so hopefully that will make me more mindful of what I put in my mouth.

So here I will track again, each and every week.

I've got to push through this.

I'm not loving where I'm at currently, and I need the accountability.

(The embarrassingly real accountability...)

No matter where you are on your journey...let's travel this together.

It makes it so much easier when you can be lifted up by others in the hard times.

You can do this, WE can do this!

(If I was techy enough to know how to do a blog link up, I would...sorry!)

A week from today, I don't want to see this number again.

(have I mentioned how badly I hate that the scale fluctuates!?)

Truthfully...I don't EVER plan to see this number again...

Twists and Turns

Sometimes, people think you have things all figured out.

Here's a secret:  they don't.  No one has everything all figured out.

You see, this journey we are on…the progress we are making, it's a continual thing.  There are ups and downs along the road.  Trust me, I know!

So lets address the elephant in the room.  Since Thanksgiving I have done VERY LITTLE.  (And very little would be a generous statement.)

I'm not going to lie.  I've been in a funk.  And if I'm being completely honest, I've been in a funk for a long while.

Many of you know that our little Madison was a surprise.  A very unexpected surprise.  I had a hard time getting excited.  (Judge away.)  When she was born, I was worried I wouldn't connect with her because I was pretty bitter about getting pregnant right when I was at the peak of my health (yes, totally self-centered feelings, but my feelings none-the-less.).

I can tell you that I have ABSOLUTELY fallen in love with that little girl!  She was meant to be with our family!

I hoped once she was born, I'd bounce right back into everything.  But, I didn't.
I hoped once she was born, I'd get re-energized about my health.  But, I haven't.

I struggled with moving away from the place I called home, I struggled with finding new friends.  I struggled with feeling alone.  I am still struggling with some postpartum depression.  And how did I combat those struggles?  Food.  And it hasn't helped that the holidays came with DELICIOUS treats.

The last few months have been hard.  There have been many days full of tears.  There have been moments when I stayed in bed all day because it was too taxing to simply get dressed…let alone go work out.

There have also been times I've tried.  I've tried to force myself to do better.  And when I've forced myself to get moving, or even get out of the house, I do feel better.  But it's been hard.  And I'm here, sharing it because I need out.  I feel like I've been in a fog…or rather, drowning under water.  That I can look up and see the surface.  And I know I need to kick my legs and swim to get there, so I don't drown…only that would take effort, and I've simply not had any.  I'm tired of it.  I need to break through the surface.

There are many who are too ashamed to share what I've just shared.  In fact, I've been embarrassed about it myself.  I felt I should have been stronger.  I wanted to be stronger.  I wanted to show my journey of 'wins' and felt dumb that I couldn't pull myself together.  But here's what it comes down to, I'm in a battle with my body (mentally and physically) and I'm going to win.  Maybe I won't win everyday, but in the end…I'm going to come out on top.

So here I am.  Asking for a little compassion…not from my readers.  You readers have always been SO compassionate.  I'm asking for compassion from myself.  I'm telling myself that it is okay to have fallen down.  And it's okay to have to start over.  And more importantly, it's okay to be honest about where I am at so I can get the support I need.

Here's to focusing on health for 2014, and the hard journey that I have ahead…

 

Accountability.

Here I am.  2 weeks postpartum, ready to face the music scale.  

I'm not going to sugarcoat anything.

I did not maintain the diet I hoped to for this pregnancy.  I resorted to fast food and quick, easy meals.  A lot.

I did not move as much as I would have liked either.  (Read:  I did not exercise basically at all.)

I was busy, and tired, and full of a lot of other excuses.

I was afraid of the scale for months.  I originally was trying to stay at the 180 mark for the pregnancy.  That didn't work.

And when I passed 180, I stopped stepping on the scale.  Because lets be honest...if I'm not stepping on the scale, it isn't happening.  Right?  Right?

So wrong.

A day before I delivered, I finally gained the courage to get a weight.  I knew it wouldn't be pretty, but I knew I would want to know where I ended the pregnancy at.

So, without further stalling.....198.6 was my delivering weight.

That puts my pregnancy gain at about 43 pounds (from the day I got the + sign on the pee stick).  Dang.

I'm not really weighing in yet.  And I think at the 6 week mark is when I'll officially start tracking the weight loss.  I figure that gives me 6 weeks to allow for all the fluids to drain off and give me an accurate weight.  Typically, I lose a decent amount in those 6 weeks with very little work needed.  So it wouldn't be accurate for me to be jumping up and down with excitement to get on here and say I lost 7 pounds last night.  And another 5 the day before....you get my drift.

I have my 2 week check-up tomorrow.  I'm finally starting to not be quite as sore.  I'm still sore, just not needing to down the percocet's any longer.

My plan for the next month:  eat well.  I am breastfeeding, and it's important to me.  Drink lots of water!  And slowly but surely up my daily steps.  By my 6 week appointment, I'm hoping to be ready to start running again.  (After all, I have a lot of races planned and scheduled!)

So there's the honest truth.  And here goes losing the pregnancy weight....and more!

Look who's back...

That's right folks, I'm back.  (At least, I hope I am!)  It's been a long few months.  I bet some of you thought that my pregnancy swallowed me up and kidnapped me, right?

Well, I guess that is sort of true.

I had yucky bouts of pregnancy sickness.  And even worse, I have had zero energy.  Zero!

Mix all that together with the added, enormous stress of 4th semester nursing school....that gives you the answer of where I've been!

But I'm alive.  And the baby is kicking.  (Yep, totally feeling the baby kicks now.)  And what's even better is it seems I've found my 2nd trimester energy.

I kid you not when I say I haven't ran since my half in January.  That's almost 2 months ago people!  I've been feeling down.  I called it the winter blues, but really...I think it was the non-exercising blues.  I've missed the endorphins.  My body has punished me because it's been craving them.

I've told myself for the last 3ish weeks that today, TODAY was going to be the day I started moving again.  And each day passed, and no movement happened.

Finally, enough is enough.  I needed some good stress relief.  So I downloaded a new app.  It was one I've heard incredible things about from my dear friends Marcee and Denise.  I knew a lot of people used it.  I just never could swallow the steep price of it.  ($15 is a lot for an app to me.)

But I swallowed the cost and downloaded it anyway.  Today I broke it out and gave it a try.  Honestly, I realize it's only day 1, but I loved it!  And even more, I love Jeff Galloway's thoughts behind a run/walk race to avoid energy and finish strong.  I had done a lot of reading about the concept and knew it was something I wanted to try.

I thought today was going to suck.  Like suck bad.  (Remember, it's been 2 freaking months since I laced up my shoes!)  But I was surprised.  Don't get me wrong, I dreaded it.  Like full on tried to talk myself out of it.  But I turned on my treadmill and did it anyway.

You see, I have been putting this off for weeks (maybe longer).  I knew I could continue down that road and it would take me somewhere I don't want to be.  I don't want to gain a million and a half pounds in this pregnancy.  Pregnancy is NOT a reason to get fat.  So I knew I had a choice.  We all have this choice!

You can choose to give in to those excuses you make for yourself, or you can choose to push them aside.  Let me tell you, I've done both at times.  And after today, I remember just how damn good it feels to finish a work out!  How accomplishing a measly 1.82 miles can be.

So for you, yes YOU!  The one who is thinking of your own list of reasons to put off working out for today.  The one who keeps saying you are too busy.  Or that you'll start tomorrow.....tomorrow is not a day of the week!

Start today!  I swear to you, as much as it will suck when you begin...you won't regret it!

Lets be honest.

It is always easier to blog when things are going great.  You know, when I'm losing!  When I'm eating great!  When I'm doing what I know I need to do.

It is not always easy to blog when I'm not.

I've been struggling a bit.

Okay.  That's a lie.  I've been struggling a lot.

I haven't been able to quiet the negative self talk.  Which then causes me to enter "the cycle."  Let me describe it...maybe you can relate?

Negative self talk....negative self talk makes me feel like crap....I feel like crap so I reach out to food....I reach out to food and I feel like crap....I feel like crap so I don't exercise as much....the scale goes up....negative self talk happens.....rinse and repeat.

I've done a lot of thinking since my last post.  And I decided more than anything, I want people to know I'm normal.  I have bad weeks (or bad months!).  This journey has not been a straight loss for me.  I've hit major bumps, and I still continue to hit them from time to time.

I have hit a bump now.

And the last thing I wanted to do was blog about it because honestly, I felt dumb.

I mean really.  Who gets into the 140's and then gains all the way back up?  Me.  I do.  I did.  And I have been VERY hard on myself for it.

Sure, I could make you a million excuses:  school is hard, my life is full of stress, etc, etc, etc.

Ultimately, it hurts to know that I was so close YET AGAIN and then I fell into the self sabotage mode.  I've been down on myself for not finishing what I was SO CLOSE to finishing.  Really down.  But I've had a few ahh-ha moments I want to share.

1.  I may be frustrated with where I'm at in the moment, but that doesn't take away what I've done up until this point.  I have lost a lot of weight.  And I've managed to keep most of it off.

2.  I need to find joy in this journey.  My focus this next week is to find the moments when I can appreciate exactly where I'm at TODAY.  Sure, I may not be where I hoped to be.  But I'm a crap load ahead of where I used to be!

So while I intended to stop blogging for a while, I realize I actually need it.  I need to stay focused.  I need to STOP GAINING!  I need to be grateful for how far I've come.  And although I have to re-lose weight AGAIN, this is what the journey is about.  There isn't a finish line.  Rather, there is a lifetime of work ahead to maintain my health.

So no matter where you are in YOUR journey, take a fresh look at yourself TODAY.  Be proud of who you are!  And no matter what, DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!  I realize it's easy to do (stupid negative self talk!).  But really YOU deserve the best!  You DESERVE to hit your goals!  Maybe life has gotten hard for you too, that doesn't mean we give up on our goals.  Maybe we have to adjust the "finish date" but that doesn't take anything away from the end goal!

Continue working toward being the you you want to be and before you know it, you'll be there!

Oh. Hi.

What have you been up to this week?

Me?

I've been busy in pretty much every aspect of my life.  Here's the recap:

• SCHOOL:  Studied my tail off for a massive nursing test.  (YES!  They are all massive!)  (This particular test have a very low passing rate...as far as I can tell only about 5 people actually passed...luckily, I was one!)

• ME PROGRESS:  I've been a stickler this week to stay on track with my planned runs!  
• Monday I ran the 3 miles I already talked about (splits 8:50, 11:08, 10:03)
• Tuesday I ran 8 laps around my little neighborhood for a total of 3.03 miles (splits 9:37, 9:50, 9:27)
• Wednesday I took the day off from running...I was out at school ALL. DAY. LONG.  Then, last night I was invited to a coed softball game.  I played fast pitch softball in high school and LOVED it.  And have MISSED IT!  So I jumped at the opportunity!  (And I even got a hit!) 
• Thursday (today) I started the morning off with 3.18 mile walk with the hubby up the mountain behind our house (in 57:47 minutes).  It was a cool morning and loved feeling Fall!  After that I hit the pavement running....I ran 3 miles (splits 9:21, 10:09, 11:00).  My hip was a bit sore and my hamstrings were tight from the uphill walk earlier...but I FINISHED!!

• MY PLAN:  Tonight...I'll be headed to Zumba for an hour!  Tomorrow I've got a 5 mile run planned and then 2 hours of Zumba tomorrow night.  The Zumba is the Party in Pink to raise money for breast cancer awareness and I'm pumped about it!  :)  The run, on the other hand, scares the crap out of me.  Running is so mental!  And I need to get my head on straight during my run tomorrow.  It's been 5 years since I ran 5+ miles!  5 YEARS!  And before my marathon training, I don't think I had ever run 5 miles!  So tomorrow I'll be stepping up to the plate again....ready to face the anxiety of the 5 mile fear!

Wish me luck!

Now...what's YOUR PLAN for the rest of this week?  How are YOU going to make a step in the RIGHT direction?  Maybe it's a walk?  Or a bike ride?  But seriously, do me a favor......DO SOMETHING FOR YOU!  You deserve a healthy body.  You really do!

1/2 Training and October goals

I've finally figured out my 1/2 training schedule.  

Here is what my October looks like...

I didn't get out yesterday for my run, so I'll be doing 3 miles today and tomorrow.

Wednesday's I always have the day off because it ends up being a LONG day out at school!

Saturday's are also rest days because I have 12 hours clinicals.

At the beginning of each month, I'll post the calendar for accountability.

If you don't see me posting about my 1/2 training....feel free to call me out on it!

I need to do this, and my goal is to finish it in 2:30.  (Scary!!!)

I know the only way I'll get there is consistently training....

Now onto October goals!

I'm at the point that I'm ready to commit to saying:

BY HALLOWEEN I WILL SEE THE 40's ON MY SCALE!

I'm real.

Real honest.

And I honestly earned the number I saw.  (And not in a good way!)

I can't lie to you guys.  Monday and Tuesday were ROUGH!  I was emotional and I ate my emotions rather than feeling them.

Wednesday I pulled up my big girl panties again and moved forward.  (After all, I have a competition ending in 2 weeks that I REALLY want to win!)

Wednesday I rocked my face off with my food choices.  Today has been great too.

I guess you could say I'm back on track!

Huge thanks to all you sweet followers and friends for pulling me out of the dumps when I was perfectly content eating myself miserable.

My scale sits at about 160.something.  But.....all things considered, it could have been sooooo much worse.

I honestly didn't know what to post today and finally I realized.....EVERYONE messes up.  I've messed up along this journey 23420349482034823094820349 times!  But I haven't quit.  And neither should you!

I don't care if you had cheesecake last night!  I don't care if you stuffed your face with McDonald's AND Burger King just for lunch alone!  I don't care if you ate 6000 calories yesterday.  I don't care if you've been off the weight loss wagon for a long time or a short time.  The truth is, we all mess up.  Our success is determined merely by fact that we can brush ourselves off and do better.

Sadly, I'll probably mess up another 2390482304928 times.  (and so might you!)  So what?!  You are trying!  And THAT my friends is going to get you somewhere!

Success is measured by the amount of times we get back up after we fall down....and all you have to do is get up one more time than you fall to succeed!

So get up!

Widgets

Like my new widgets?  I do!  :)

I found a fun site, dailymile.com that lets me track my training AND the widgets automatically update on my blog.  I input my running from August (but was too lazy to keep transferring it back from July and June).  Now I can be more accountable in my runs each week.

Today was my weigh in for one of my competitions.  I was down!  yay!

Today's weight:  165.6

I'm hoping by my other weigh in on Thursday I lose a few more.  :)  There are some heavy players in my Thursday competition and I want to keep up with them!

On a happy note...I am 5.7 pounds away from being at a HEALTHY WEIGHT!

I haven't been in the 150's (except for a TINY BLIP in October last year) since right after high school 12 years ago.

BIG MILESTONE!!!!!

Let Monday begin, I'm ready to face this week running!  (In fact, my run was already done today and I felt amazing!)

Show this week who's boss...you have the power to overcome your weaknesses!

September Morn

Can you believe it is September?  ya.  Me either.

My goals for this month are simple:

• Get back on track with running a minimum of 3 times per week!
• Add back in Zumba from home and 30 DS

I figure, if I can add in that much exercise again I should witness the scale moving.  I'm not aiming for anything absurd...I'd like to lose 9 pounds in September.  Or rather, I'd like to see at least 159.9 by October 1st.  

Seems doable and exciting to me!  :)  Now to put my plan into action.  Going to make a workout calendar today to hold myself accountable.

Remember the definition of insanity.  (Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.)  Well, I'm changing it up to hopefully get an awesome outcome!  Are you?