Lets be honest.

It is always easier to blog when things are going great.  You know, when I'm losing!  When I'm eating great!  When I'm doing what I know I need to do.

It is not always easy to blog when I'm not.

I've been struggling a bit.

Okay.  That's a lie.  I've been struggling a lot.

I haven't been able to quiet the negative self talk.  Which then causes me to enter "the cycle."  Let me describe it...maybe you can relate?

Negative self talk....negative self talk makes me feel like crap....I feel like crap so I reach out to food....I reach out to food and I feel like crap....I feel like crap so I don't exercise as much....the scale goes up....negative self talk happens.....rinse and repeat.

I've done a lot of thinking since my last post.  And I decided more than anything, I want people to know I'm normal.  I have bad weeks (or bad months!).  This journey has not been a straight loss for me.  I've hit major bumps, and I still continue to hit them from time to time.

I have hit a bump now.

And the last thing I wanted to do was blog about it because honestly, I felt dumb.

I mean really.  Who gets into the 140's and then gains all the way back up?  Me.  I do.  I did.  And I have been VERY hard on myself for it.

Sure, I could make you a million excuses:  school is hard, my life is full of stress, etc, etc, etc.

Ultimately, it hurts to know that I was so close YET AGAIN and then I fell into the self sabotage mode.  I've been down on myself for not finishing what I was SO CLOSE to finishing.  Really down.  But I've had a few ahh-ha moments I want to share.

1.  I may be frustrated with where I'm at in the moment, but that doesn't take away what I've done up until this point.  I have lost a lot of weight.  And I've managed to keep most of it off.

2.  I need to find joy in this journey.  My focus this next week is to find the moments when I can appreciate exactly where I'm at TODAY.  Sure, I may not be where I hoped to be.  But I'm a crap load ahead of where I used to be!

So while I intended to stop blogging for a while, I realize I actually need it.  I need to stay focused.  I need to STOP GAINING!  I need to be grateful for how far I've come.  And although I have to re-lose weight AGAIN, this is what the journey is about.  There isn't a finish line.  Rather, there is a lifetime of work ahead to maintain my health.

So no matter where you are in YOUR journey, take a fresh look at yourself TODAY.  Be proud of who you are!  And no matter what, DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!  I realize it's easy to do (stupid negative self talk!).  But really YOU deserve the best!  You DESERVE to hit your goals!  Maybe life has gotten hard for you too, that doesn't mean we give up on our goals.  Maybe we have to adjust the "finish date" but that doesn't take anything away from the end goal!

Continue working toward being the you you want to be and before you know it, you'll be there!