February

Yesterday, February ended.  I worked extremely hard to earn what some will think is a silly achievement:

With the Apple Watch you can earn different achievements.  This one was for reaching my Move goal every single day of February.  

I haven't weighed in yet to know my final weight.  I know it's not as low as I hoped.  I'll likely weigh in after I go to the gym this morning.  But I wanted to write this post first.  Because more than the weight, I'm just damn proud of the consistency.  

You see, some months the scale will reward me and others it will be stubborn.  This month my eating wasn't perfect.  I lived it up on Jason's birthday weekend (which was also the Super Bowl weekend).  I also lived it up at Valentines day.  But that's just it....this isn't a "diet."  This is our lifestyle now.  And I plan to live my life.  I love food.  And I plan to continue to enjoy food.  I am just trying to make my relationship with food more healthy.  I don't regret the weekends I splurged in February.  I don't regret it, because I lived.  I planned those moments.  I didn't binge.  I didn't eat my feelings away.  I chose.

So what does March look like?  Geez.  I don't know.  I know I said this March was going to be 'different' than other years.  But I'll be honest, it's the first and I can already feel the anxiety creeping in.  I leave for Moab on Thursday so I'll be spending the hardest days of March with Jason, in a place we've never been.  I'm hoping to celebrate the choice I made to live life.  

I've read a lot about the semi-colon project.  I'll be honest, I'm not a tattoo kinda girl.  But this is one I've sincerely debated getting.  If you haven't read up on the semi-colon project, it basically is a visual symbol people get to signify the choice they made.  You see, an author makes a choice to use a semi-colon.  They make a choice to continue rather than using a period.  And that's just it.  I made a choice.  I continued, despite desperately wanting to use the period and be finished with my life.  

So this weekend, I will be celebrating that.  I will be celebrating being a survivor.  I hope you can celebrate with me.  Sometime on the 3rd, I hope you can take a moment to pause and be proud of yourself for fighting through the hard and difficult in your life.  Join me, and take a moment to look around and appreciate what you see.  

Life is worth living; even when it's most difficult. 

Choices

So earlier this year, I did some math.  I realized this March it will be 15 years since my life forever was changed.

That brought a bunch of different emotions.  Shock, anxiety, disbelief, pride.

So here is the thing...each year, the beginning of March has always been the time my past has hit me the hardest.  Call it a morbid anniversary.

As I've progressed in my therapy over the years, I have still always allowed myself tears and anger between March 3rd and 6th.  It's always been my way of being okay every other day of the year because I knew I could allow myself those few days.

Some years have been harder than others.  (A lot harder.)  But there really hasn't been a year that I haven't still had extreme anxiety and tears.  I've worked hard to move past everything that happened to me, but I still have lingering emotions.  Each year, the beginning of March, I've never been able to escape without remembering so vividly lying in my bed down in St. George bawling.  Bawling and praying and pleading to not wake up the next day.  Those are some pretty intense feelings to have come flash back to the surface.

This year, I knew I needed to push myself for better.  8 years ago I started working hard to deal with all that happened to me.  (Yes, you read that right....it took me 7 whole years of stuffing my emotions in the back of my closet before they came raging to the surface and knocked me down.  Hard.)  And I have worked hard.  Shoot, I ran a freaking marathon 8 years ago to help parallel the work I did emotionally.  (Read about that HERE)  I've learned the importance of forgiveness, and that forgiving someone does not excuse their behavior.  I've learned that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I ever imagined I could be.  And...I've learned that there are many that have experienced the same horrible thing that I've opened up about.

Rape is not okay.  Ever.

Rape is not a joke.  It is never, ever funny when I hear people using the term to talk about a team dominating another team, etc.

Rape is real.  And lives are forever changed by this four letter word.

Rape is something a lot of people are afraid to talk about.  I honestly think that is why I had such a hard time dealing with what happened to me.  I thought I was forever ruined.  I figured I had no hope for a happy future.  I questioned if I could have fought harder in the moment  Or maybe not put myself in the situation. I have lived and re-lived the situation over in my head a million times.

There are many things I wish I would have learned before I was raped.  The biggest message that I want to shout from every roof top across the world:

YOUR VALUE IS NOT DETERMINED BY WHAT YOU DO,
OR WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU.

The love of God is there for YOU, no matter your past, or your future.  No exceptions.

It took me a long time to realize that I am no less of a person because of what happened to me.  And, I've learned that I'm no less of a person because of choices I've made since.

This is why I share my story.  Over, and over, and over again.  Because if I can help one person out there know that they have value, then it's worth it.  We all face hard things in life.  Ridiculously hard things!  And one of the hardest things in life is to forgive people when they have never apologized, or when they wrong you further than you ever thought possible.  But I promise you, holding on to anger and bitterness only hurts you.

This year, my focus is on spreading love.  Self love.  It's okay to love yourself for who you are today. I don't care what you've done, or who's hurt you.  You get to make a choice today to look in the mirror and love.

Over the next 2 weeks I will probably be sharing a lot about my feelings on this subject.  And I'm proud to say that I've chosen to do differently this year from March 3-6th.  Instead of staying in bed, or crying, or eating my feelings away....I'm choosing to celebrate.  No, I'm not planning to celebrate what happened to me.  Instead, I celebrate that I fought to live.

I'm celebrating life and living and breathing.  I'm celebrating hard work, and self worth.  I'm celebrating choices, and the choice I made over and over (in my darkest moments) to live.  It wasn't easy.  But I look at my life today (which is far from perfect) and I'm grateful.  I'm grateful I chose to live.

Please, if you are in one of your darkest moments....know that the light will come again!  Life is worth living, even through the dark.  Because man, when the sun shines again it is so good!

New Low

Today was an exciting moment with my scale:

Here's to working hard through the weekend so I can see an even more beautiful site (170's) soon! 

Diet Bet

Remember how I said I did some damage last weekend with my eating? Well, I was super careful this week! AND I pounded water all week, and sat in the sauna to try and get out all the retained water. I cut out all things sodium. 

Yesterday I weighed in for my dietbet and squeaked by with a win by 0.7 lbs. I found out I won some pretty good money too...

Not too shabby after betting on myself! 

Today I also saw this on MyFitnessPal and it made me happy...

Each day, I'm inching closer to that 30 lb lost mark! I can't wait to get there!!!

Set back

The super bowl + Jason's birthday weekend provided a set back on the scale. I know a lot of it is water weight. We went with some friends to a Japanese Steakhouse Saturday. Then, turned around Sunday and had a HUGE buffet of all things delicious for the Super Bowl. 

Let's just say the scale did not approve this morning. I wanted to cry. But, I picked myself up and kept going. You see, I'm planning to live life during this process. And that means not every week will be a loss. And some weeks will be a gain. But ultimately, I want to have the will power and strength to get back on track right away, and that's what I did today! Just got back from the gym and, have yet again, hit all my Apple Watch goals for the day. 

Keep pushing through the hard with me, we can do this!

Yesterday

So when I got home after working 15 hours yesterday, I was not thrilled when I looked at my Apple Watch and saw this:

It was 1030pm and the last thing I wanted to do was get on the treadmill. I was tired and grouchy and did I mention tired? 

The 200 pound Alisha would have talked herself out of getting on the treadmill. The 200 pound Alisha would have also probably grabbed her besties (Ben & Jerry) and hung out in bed all night.

But the soon to be in the 180's Alisha quickly changed into her gym clothes and sucked it up. And, she left her friends where they belonged, in the freezer. 

I really feel like the road to success with weight loss is doing something different than what your body has done for so long. Did I want to get on the treadmill? No. NO! But I had a choice: do what I've always done, or choose different. 

So I chose to keep going with my goal, even after a long and tiresome day. 

And waking up, I'm damn proud I did! Sure, it might have only been a 15 min walk, but it was a HUGE step! And it made getting on the treadmill that much easier this morning. 

Take a baby step today toward your goal!! (You'll thank me in the morning!)

 

January Summary

January has now come and gone.  I wanted to do a re-cap of the month yesterday, but got busy.  January was good to me.

Did I work out like I hoped?  No.
Did I follow a great meal plan and stick to it like I hoped?  Yes!!
Did I see results?  You betcha!

I'll paint you a picture:
(Just know I'm a little embarrassed at where my weight was at the beginning of the month.  And by "little" I mean a lot!)
(But accountability has always been a motivating factor to me, so here it is...)

Alisha's January Success
January 2nd weigh in:  207.1
February 1st weigh in:  192.2
Pounds lost in January:  14.9

I feel amazing.  I got in to a size 10 pants (which were tight, but they buttoned up!)

For February I have some lofty goals, one of them being hitting my apple watch "health" goals every single day for the month.  That will be a huge change, considering my activity was sketchy for the month of January.  But you know me, I always shoot for huge goals!  Day 2 and I'm already on track. :)

Want to know the coolest thing about January?

For the first time, in forever, Jason and I have both been on the same page in regards to our health.  That's right.  Not only did I have a great month, but so did he!  He was an animal at the gym, didn't miss a work out all month!  And his eating was great too...he had quite the impressive results.  I asked him if I could share, and he agreed.  Maybe by the February Summary I'll have a cute spreadsheet to track the progress.  Maybe...  :)

Jason's January Success:
January 3rd weigh in:  293.3
February 1st weigh in:  269.8
Pounds lost in January:  23.5

Crazy right?!  I already know what you are thinking....what are you doing?
Jason's month consisted of:
protein shakes in the morning after a treadmill run.  Then a healthy lunch of some sort.  Snacks would usually be string cheese.  Dinner would usually be fish or another lean meat.  Then he was at the gym at night, lifting weights and added a little more cardio to his day.  After the gym, he'd end the night with another protein drink.

Alisha's month consisted of:
Thrive for breakfast most days, protein bar for snacks, and a lean meat of some sort for lunch.  I also would snack on string cheese, and occasionally hard boiled eggs.  Dinner was usually a green smoothie of some sort, with yummy veggies.  And water.  Lots and lots and lots of water!

The biggest secret to our success for January?  CONSISTENCY.  Seriously.  We very rarely strayed from our plan.  And were focused.  Here's hoping February is just as consistent (with maybe a few additions for myself....the working out is what I really want to get back into my life!)

How bad do you want to see changes in yourself?  Are you willing to figure out a plan and then be consistent?  Join us, make February a month to be proud of!  I can promise you come March 1st that you will either be so glad you did, rather than a wish you would have.  You can do this, you are worth dusting yourself off and continuing forward...

Break Through!

I think it's safe to say I have had a breakthrough! 

It's been several years since I weighed what I do today. 193 has never felt so good! But I'm continuing to push hard to see those 180's. 

I was trying so hard to see them before February 1st. But, I promised myself I wouldn't be disappointed if I worked hard and fell a little short. I knew it was a big goal. 

That's always been something that holds me back. The 'what if.' What if I put everything into getting healthy and I still don't like who I see. 

I've learned I need to see myself through the eyes of another, maybe even God. I don't usually get religious on here, but today I'm making an exception. I think about the person he made me to be. I think about how I sell his creation short when I'm overly critical of myself. I think about what he would say to me. I even have been thinking about what I'd say to others...and then I try to treat myself the same way. 

Life is hard. Don't make it harder by being so critical of yourself. Bodies are amazing, and strong. My body has made and carried FOUR beautiful babies. What a miracle! I am learning to love my body for what it is. It's a learning process, but I've come a long way these last few months. 

Do yourself a favor, glance at that person in the mirror and tell them thank you! Because you are strong, and your body is amazing! 

Catching up

Man. Life is busy, and it passes quickly!

I've been doing alright. Some days are great, others I need to work harder at.

I've felt like I've been a little stuck, gaining and losing the same 2-3 lbs over the last week or two. I got sick of it this week, so I changed things up a little. 

I added green smoothies back in my meals.

I've already seen the scale drop two days in a row and am 0.2 away from the lowest I've been in years. 

Clearly, I still have a ways to go; but it would be so nice to get out of this set of numbers. Hoping to see the 80's soon. 

If things aren't working for you, don't be afraid to change it up a little! I try not to change things up when everything's working....kind of the whole "don't fix what ain't broken" mentality. But sometimes our bodies get used to what we feed it, or what we are doing. So small (healthy) changes are always a good way to 'shock' your body back into losses. 

Thrive

I'm a huge believer in Thrive.

I was skeptical when I first learned about it. Okay, I was more than skeptical!!!

It took me a while before I accepted the samples offered to me.

However, the first day I tried Thrive I could tell an immediate difference!

I started it on a night shift. And I can't stress to you enough about the energy I had! I didn't drag at all!! Everyone else was hitting that infamous drag of a graveyard and I just kept buzzing around.

I thought it was a fluke. I didn't want to believe that the vitamin, shake, and patch could make that much of a difference.

So I tried it again the next night. 

SAME RESULT!!!!

I ordered my month supply the next day. I've been thriving ever since.

Is it a magic weight loss regimen? No.

I'll be the first to caution you that it is not a lose weight quick kinda thing.

But what it gave me back was my energy! I hadn't felt that good since I was at my lowest.

Have I lost weight on it? Yep! But I fully believe it's because I finally have the energy to WANT this again. I finally have the energy to move more. (And....the appetite suppressant sure helps throughout the day too!)

Today I'm trying the black label.

 It's supposed to be a DFT on steroids. (Also helping my mood, which lets be honest....winter blues happen when it's so frickin cold outside!) 

Today I'm so glad I took a chance again on myself! Be willing to take a chance on yourself. Sure, if you want to try Thrive, I'd love to introduce you to it. But really....I'm talking about ANY chance! Be willing to do something today that lets you take a step forward to the person you want to be!

Today is brand new and fresh. And there's nothing that has happened in your past to take away a SWEET future for you! Make today the day you change something for the better. We can't do the same things day after day and expect different results, that's insanity. 

Today, join me in making different choices. I'll be asking myself "What would the Alisha from last year choose?" And then, I'll do something different!