Green Breakfast

This morning I wanted to try a green smoothie for breakfast.

I have put spinach in many smoothies in the past.

It's fantastic because there is NO TASTE to it!  

However, usually in the past I've used dark berries to hide the "green." 

Something about drinking a greenish mixture has made me want to gag in the past.

But I didn't want to add a bunch of berries today.  I wanted to make it filling, and have some protein.

So here it is:

I may or may not have gaged a little when I was sipping the drink and looking down at the green...but I realized quickly that could be avoided if I focused on something else while drinking.  

Because truthfully, the drink tasted great!  I knew that it meant the gagging was all in my head...

The smoothie was super easy to make:

1 frozen sliced banana (slice and peel before freezing!)

1 Tbsp peanut butter

1/2 C Vanilla Choibani Greek Yogurt

1 C Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Breeze

I then filled the blender to the top with as much spinach as would fit.

(Total calories:  200)

Blend that baby smooth, and walah!  

Deliciousness!

As I was drinking it, my baby boy saw the drink and the straw and wanted some...

Even he loved it, I had to fight him off!  (Next time I'll make him his own...)

Weekly report

I weighed in this morning.  The scale is moving, and I kinda like it.

182.3 this morning.

Weekly loss:  2.3 pounds

I'll take it, and hopefully over this next week I'll work a little harder and see a little more...

FaceBook update:  Only 12.7 pounds until Jason tells me my password and I can log in...

Survived the weekend

I made it through this past weekend.  It was a pretty successful and busy weekend, if I do say so myself.

I even played homemaker for a while and made a little of this...

and a little of that....

You can read more about "this" on my family blog here, but the jam was delish!  And a little comment on "that"....dangerous!  For those that don't know me, I'm a cookie dough fein!  I am not going to lie, when I went to bed last night I was worried!  And this morning, I couldn't wait until tomorrow...I had to step on the scale and see the damage done.  Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I thought.  I'm down a little right now from last Tuesday.  This boosts my excitement and motivation to do well today.  (Why do I base my emotions on the silly number on the scale?)  (I'm really going to have to ponder that question for another post later...)

The bad news of the weekend:  I had to take my fuel band off for a few days because my skin was raw.  You see, I have a weird skin condition...or maybe allergy.  I get ridiculously itchy bumps all over my skin where metal touches the skin.  I use cortisone cream most of the time...that, combined with removing the fuel band at nights has helped keep the issue in check.  Only, Friday night...I forgot to take the fuel band off before bed.  So I allowed my wrist some healing time.  But, it's back on today...and I'm already tracking.  :)

Hope the weekend was a success for all....keep working on becoming the person you are destined to be!

Back again...

Are you surprised?  :)

I go MONTHS with no accountability, but I'm back.

I even "quit" FaceBook until I can get focused and lose weight.  I had Jason change my password on FB and I have quit until I am down 15 pounds.  That means I won't be on FaceBook again until I see the 160's....169 to be exact.

I did that because I realize I waste time on FB.  I figured if I have time to waste there, I have more time I could be focusing on being active.  It was WAY TOO EASY to have access to FB on my iPhone.  I would open the app a lot.  TOO MUCH.

So I fixed the problem.  And now I have to work to get back on the site...kinda fun to be working toward something.

Yesterday I finished and hit my goal, but I haven't been very good at going above and beyond.

Today that is what I'm pushing myself for.  I will hit 4,000 today.  No excuses...

Let's make today better than yesterday...are you with me?

Consistent, with no excuses.

Yesterday I pushed myself to finish my fuel points again.

It wasn't easy.

I wanted to stop at 1700, at 2361, at 2948.  Even at 3210.

But I didn't.  I kept going.

I can't lie to you and say it was easy.  I'm not sure what my issues are lately, but emotional is an understatement!  (And when I get emotional, I want to eat...LOTS.  And I want to sit in bed....LOTS.)

But rather than doing that, I picked myself up and tied my shoelaces up.  I went to work.  I wish I could say that solved the stuff I'm feeling right now.  It didn't.  But it probably helped.

As for eating yesterday....I give myself a B-.  I didn't fail miserably, but I also wasn't as good as I should have been!  (Hard when you have double stuffed oreos in the house!)

I haven't weighed myself for today yet...and I think I probably won't.  I am going to wait until the week is up.  It's too emotionally draining to weigh myself each day seeing the ups and downs.

So onto today, I'm gonna move it and shake it a little more!  :)  I might even try Zumba out with a neighbor....

Funny

I went back through my posts yesterday...back to the beginning.  I laughed out loud.  (Mostly in frustration.)  Yesterday my weight was almost exactly what my "starting" weight was on this blog way back last July.  Only last July, I was proud of this weight.  Yesterday I was ashamed.

So I thought about it all last night.  (As I was working out!)  Yes, it's disheartening to be BACK here.  But I need to let go of it.  I have still lost an amazing 48.6 pounds along this long journey.  I have come to realize I was foolish for putting a "deadline" on my weight.  It took me over a decade to put this weight on.  During that time I learned some terrible habits that I am still trying to break....habits that I will probably battle for the rest of my life!  I am a work in progress.  That is why I chose the blog name I did...My life IS IN progress!  I will get there because I will not quit.

So today I am celebrating all 48.6 pounds I have lost this far.  And slowly, I'll continue to add to that number day by day, inch by inch.

Last year, I learned that consistency is the key.  I will find that painful key again because I can do hard things....you just watch and see!


SIDE NOTE:  I have been using the Nike+ Fuel Band for a little less than a month (minus the week I was on the cruise.)  I love it.  It is eye opening to see how much (or little, in my case) you do during the day.  I have set a daily Fuel Points goal at 3500 for now, but I will be upping it to 4000 before the end of the week.  I wear the band everywhere I go and can track my progress on my iPhone or on the band all day long.  (I can even compete against others with the band!)

So here's my accountability for yesterday.  Yesterday, when I had no intention of hitting my goal.  Yesterday, when I wrote the blog post I was at a measly 700 fuel points.  Math question:  do you know the difference between 3500 and 700?  A LOT!

But I stayed up, late after the kids went to sleep.  I walked and walked and walked.  (I felt like a pioneer!) By 11:37pm I hit goal (23 minutes to spare...)

But I hit it...3510 with over 10,000 steps in for the day.  Now to keep movin for today (I have 14 fuel points as of right now)...

Feelings

So I have a lot of feelings running through my head.

Most of them start with embarrassed and end with humiliated.

You see I have really been stupid.

I have worked hard and as of late I have just plain old given up.

I might as well have thrown in the towel.

Yep.

Humiliated just about covers it.

I mean, really!  Who loses like 70 pounds so they can stand up, clear their throat and whisper...I've gained back almost 30 of it.

Seriously.

I wasn't even going to post that.  Truthfully, I was going to make the blog private to talk about this.  THAT is how embarrassing it is to own up to this.  It makes me mad.  I makes me want to cry.  It even makes me want to give up and scarf down the cookies in my pantry.

I was ridiculously embarrassed when I had gained 12 pounds...then 15...then 17.  Now I don't even want to face myself let alone anyone who MIGHT happen to read this.

Yes, I could justify the big gains with school, husband gone all the time, going on a cruise.

But really...they are all excuses.  If I'm being honest...and honest is what I need to be...then the truth is I have been making some really sucky decisions lately.  I'm tempted to start WW again...but it costs a lot of moolah, and I don't feel it's something I can budget in right now.  ($50/month)

So this is on me.  On my shoulders.  I have to go back to why I did this to begin with.  I have to refocus on setting a better example...because lately I've been doing a pretty terrible job.

I am done living in the past.  Yes, I was down in the 150's for a 1/2 second.  I was in the 160's even longer!!  Now I'm not.  Now I'm back in the 180's GASP.  I think the world might end now that I've said that out loud.  (Seriously, you have no idea how terribly hard it is for me to admit I've gained THAT MUCH back!)  (And it's not even the low 180's....we're talking mid to high 80's!  We're talking stand on the scale with tears in my eyes asking myself why, why, WHY!?

I mean really....who does that?  Who just throws their hands in the air and turns their back to the scale.....pretending it doesn't exist?

I did.

But not anymore.

I figure I can either start playing the game of hardball ....or I have to be okay with being fat.

I will NEVER be okay with being fat.

The fat girl inside of me tries to trick me when I'm most vulnerable though.  She tells me, "It's not all that bad...really, it's only a few pounds here and a few there."

SHE LIES!

Having excess weight is terrible.  Sure, for vain reasons.  But right now Alisha...right this second remember the difference you are feeling in your breathing.  Remember how awful it feels to walk into your closet knowing all your clothes USED to fit.  Now, I search for baggy....unfortunately, sweatshirts don't really fly when it's like 100 degrees outside!

So yes.  That girl lies to you to make herself feel better.  You do not want her to feel better.  You should not feel good at all about where you are.  Take where you are right now and make it better tomorrow...and next week.  Figure this crap out.

Today.  I am back.  I am not quitting.  I am not quitting on myself.  Not today, not ever.  This may take me a lot longer that I had originally planned, but I will not quit on myself.  I wasn't raised a quitter, I'm not raising quitters, and I'm surely not a quitter!

Today.  I am back.  Watch out.

Going...going...going

Things are still going for me.  Not necessarily bad, not necessarily good.

A few things have changed in the last little bit though....

No.  I'm not pregnant.

But we did add to our home...

Our current work/school/life situations have made it extremely difficult for me to find time to get my runs in for my training.  I have fallen behind!  I have toyed with getting a treadmill for a while now.  But was hesitant.  Real hesitant.

Sure, they are costly.  And they take up space.  And in our home there isn't really a "good" place for one.

But mostly I was hesitant because of our past with treadmills.  When Red (my now 5 yr old) was only a year old we had a scary treadmill incident.  It involved an older sister finding the key to grandma's treadmill.  It involved that same sister accidentally starting the treadmill while Red had her hands on it.  It involved some screaming that I heard from the other room but might have brushed off slightly as I walked SLOWLY into the room.  It involved my heart instantly jumping into HIGH gear seeing Red's thumb stuck between the belt and the plastic as the belt rotated on her thumb over and over.  It involved almost ripping the plastic apart because her thumb would not come out.  It involved a trip to InstaCare, then the ER, then the U of U burn unit.  It involved serious damage...to the point we were told she would need plastic surgery and rehab and even at that, we were told the use for her thumb might not fully return.  It involved a 4th degree burn where I could see bone and muscle.

Get my drift?  It was bad!

The good news?  Miracles happen on this earth, even today.  And thanks to a priesthood blessing and many prayers her thumb stumped the doctors and healed on its own.  (In fact, she doesn't even have a scar!)

Sooooooooo.  Needless to say, I have a little treadmill anxiety.  However, because of that incident I have become very aware of the anal mom I am about hiding the key from the kids!

The good news about having the treadmill...I have started and haven't stopped since I got it!  I have started slow, I don't want to get myself injured or anything.  But ran a comfortable run today.  Hopefully soon I will build up to the point I need to be at with a little consistency.

As hard as those first steps can be when I start my exercising...I've found this saying to hold true EVERY SINGLE TIME!

So be like Nike.  Just Do It.  Get up, where ever you are.  Stop putting yourself off!  Just do it.

Like Now.

You!  Yes, you.  Go..........

Hard

This pretty much sums things up!

They are all hard, I want to do the hard where I feel the best though.

To do that, I have a lot more hard to go through to get there....

The good news:  Today is day 3 of working out like a boss AND tracking everything I eat.  

And what do you know, the scale is like magically moving in the right direction.....

Only looking forward...

I am in DESPERATE need for an intervention!
I'm tired of self-sabotaging.
I have played the poor, pity me game for long enough.
When I play the pity me game about my weight loss, I usually begin emotionally eating.
Then my weight goes up more.
Then I pity myself even more!

See the cycle?

I've worked too damn hard to lose this weight and I'm tired of it slowly coming back on.

So I give myself a month.  
I can do anything for one month!

You see, despite my lack of attempts at weight loss...I've still been paying for Weight Watchers EVERY MONTH!  49 DOLLARS!

So, it's time to do something.  I have given myself one month.
One month to track.  One month to move more.  One month to see what the scale does.

You see on April 15th, 2011 I gave birth to Monkey Man.  That will mean that for one straight year I have been on this weight loss roller coaster.  And I'm tired of the climb...I'm ready for that mind-blowing drop!

So, if I'm not motivated enough to focus on the basics in the next 4 weeks...on April 15th I can't afford to stay at WW any longer and will have to quit.

I don't want to quit.  I know I need WW!  In the past few months that I've been dabbling with my goals I've gained.  I know what I need to do.  And today I refocused.

I am embarrassed by my weight as of today.  I'm ashamed of how much I let the scale go up!  I will "officially" weigh in next week after I've pushed myself for a strong full week.  (I just can't bare to put today's weight up on the board!)  (What I once was SO PROUD OF, I am not completely embarrassed of!)

One week from now, I will have a new scale (that is trustable) and I will post my accurate weight.
One month from now I will reevaluate my efforts....

Oh boy do I need an intervention!