Friday, October 4, 2013

Defining Moments

5 years ago TODAY was a very defining moment for me.
5 years ago at THIS MOMENT was a moment I will never, ever forget.

Many of my readers know my story.  Some might not.  Either way, please bare with me today, on this defining day to allow my thoughts to travel back.

5 years ago I was over coming probably the most difficult trial of my life.  5 years ago, I was finally taking control of my life again.  5 years ago, I finally found a way to forgive the men who shattered the person I was.  5 years ago I was crossing the finish line of my past, my marathon.

5 years ago,  I found my desire to breathe again.

And maybe some will think that since then, life has been a breeze?  
Not at all!

But I found the desire to want to live my life again.  I found the sunshine.  I found fresh air.  

And while at one point, I thought I would forever hate St. George, Utah because of what happened to me while attending college turns out, I have a deep love for that city.  Because after I was forced to move there once again for my husbands job, and after I was forced to open my closet and let those skeletons out, then and only then did I find happiness again.

Over this summer I really struggled with having to again move away from St. George.  The last time I packed my bags to leave St. George, Utah I was in a bad place.  Probably the worst place I've ever been in.  I prayed each day that I wouldn't wake up, that I wouldn't have to breathe.  I hated.  Everything.  And everyone.  I hated what had happened to me.

The last time I left St. George, I buried the Alisha I was.  I was certain I couldn't be happy, I was certain I didn't deserve to be happy, I was certain my life was over.  

Moving back up to Salt Lake AGAIN over this summer made me reflect on just how far I have come.  I no longer just try and get by.  I survived the unthinkable.  I survived what no one should ever have to endure.  I found happiness again.  Moving from St. George this second time was so hard.  Sure I left a beautiful home, and a neighborhood I loved, and friends I adored.  But leaving this time around, was different because I was afraid I would lose all the progress I had made.

You see, Saint George was the city I lost myself in.  But then it was also the city I regained my identity in.  

I realized how much I needed to heal in those years we lived in St. George.  I remembered how to hope again.  I remembered how to be happy again.  And now, I realize it is not tied to the city itself.  I fought hard against my past to overcome.  I fought for life.  I fought for my family.  I fought for myself.  

I am a fighter.

I have fought back after being raped to forgive what I thought was unforgivable; to recognize that I deserved all the happiness life has to offer me.

So here I am, today.  5 years after that defining moment in my life.  Here I am, proudly wearing a medal that will forever symbolize finding myself again!

1 comment:

  1. Let's hope 3rd time is the charm as I've had trouble posting! Just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you and the beautiful woman you have become! You are so strong and such an inspiration. Love you.


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