Choices

Isn't it funny how life gives you moments where choices must be made? Let me explain...

Yesterday was an emotional day for me. Like ugly crying, full blown tears, feeling crappy about my postpartum, saggy body. I was being overly critical about my saggy belly, along with other areas. I cried and cried on the bathroom floor about not having anything to wear. And then I cried harder about the suggestion to go shopping for new clothes. (It was a lose, lose day.)

At one point, Jason finally was a bit direct. He told me my expectations 5 and a half weeks after having a csection were unrealistic.

He's right. 

I can't expect to be back into my size 6 skinny jeans after only 5 weeks. 

But yesterday I made the choice to start doing something actively each day to tilt the scale my way. I made the choice to make it a priority.

And just as that choice was made, it was time to make another choice.

We've been running into a few health-related things with Madison.  Without going into all the details...last week there was talk of surgery, there were X-rays, ultrasounds, medications, and weight checks. 

Today was another check-up and the doctor still isn't thrilled at what's happening.  

It was as I was walking out of the hospital that I made the choice.

My size 6 jeans don't matter right now.

Now is not the time for me to be worried about counting calories. (Let me make it clear: there are no worries with my milk supply, I have NOT been cutting calories enough to damage my milk supply.)  

What I am saying is right now, it's more important to me to help my baby than it is to get my body back.

After we've figured out things with Madi, then I will re-evaluate. But for now...what was so important to me yesterday, isn't as important to me today. 

So for today, and for the next week, and for as long as necessary....I will be on a scale hiatus. Because really, what does that number tell me anyway?

It's a measurement, and one I felt I was failing at. And honestly, I'm tired of feeling as if I'm failing.   

That number does not define me. Yet I was giving that number such power! (Power over me, and over my emotions, and over the outcome of my day.)

On the drive home today, I reflected instead on how incredible my body is! It's grown a little person. A little, adorable person, if I do say so myself!

And it continues to provide the nourishment and food for her to grow. It knows exactly what to do! It really amazes me! (And to think I've been so hard on my body lately...)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not respecting the incredible job my body has been doing. 

Each of us have so much happening in life, and the last thing we need is to feel we are failing on the scale.  Life is hard enough. 

Don't become a victim to your scale, you are more than the number it shows you!!