Sicker than sick

All yesterday I felt pretty crummy.  Truthfully, I've had something since Sunday that I couldn't shake. But yesterday was by far the worst.

I couldn't figure out why I was so nauseous.  I even took a pregnancy test, just to be sure.  (NO.  I'm not pregnant...THANKFULLY!)

Then yesterday afternoon, like clock work, 2 of my kids started puking NON-STOP and I joined them in the fun.  That meant half our family was down and out for the count.

It was bad.  BAAAAAAD.

Jason took on Bubba and his puking because I couldn't be there to help him when I had to run to the bathroom for myself every 30 seconds.  Never in my life have I been so violently sick.

By about 4am the puking stopped, but tummys are still uneasy this morning.

On the bright side, the scale dropped like crazy.  I saw 196 this morning and am down over 2 lbs from just Monday.  Here's hoping the bug we had is gone completely, and that I can keep the scale dropping for the next few days!

(Next weigh in day will be Sunday since I will be MIA next week, enjoying boating at my favorite place on earth...)

The Train Keeps Moving

Last week I promised to check back in on Tuesday with my weight.

Obviously, that didn't happen.

Tuesday was a pretty crap-tastic day.  I'm not really going to go in to it on the blog, but I was pretty bummed about things that happened.  And I let it get to me all of Tuesday, and Wednesday.  Luckily, the damage I did with emotional eating connected to this event wasn't a total epic failure.

So, onto this week.  Because the train doesn't stop.  Time doesn't pause.  And frankly, I can't bump my brother wedding out any further because for some reason he thinks it's HIS decision on his wedding date.  :)

Today, I am not where I needed to be.  (scale-wise)
But.  Today I am where I need to be.  (mentally)

I've been focused, back to the no grains, mostly.  Yesterday was Father's Day and we went to my parents for a delicious BBQ.  I had decided way ahead of time that I was going to pass on the dessert.  Because nothing would taste as good as it would feel to hit my goal come September.

But then my mom made this.

Yep.  It's chocolate, and peanut butter, and cheesecake.  Pretty much all 3 of my weaknesses!!!

So I gave in to a piece.  And I wanted a second.  But I left the kitchen.  I call that a win.

Now, today I've gotta focus!  Like I said above, I'm not quite where I needed to be for my 3lb/week loss.  In fact, I'm basically a week behind.  So, I'm hoping to make it up a little each week for the next few weeks.

Today's Numbers:

Clearly, Jason is on track and KILLING it!  Way to go!  Keep it up, you are gonna drag me along one way or another.

As for me.  I did have a rough week.  But I'm focused.  And I want this.  And I'm doing it.  It's the little decisions we have to make each day that get us where we want to be down the road.  What steps are you taking today to ensure your success for the day, or the week, or this month?  If losing weight is something you want, focus on your eating.  I promise, losing weight is ALL about what you feed your body.  Maybe your ultimate goal seems too lofty.  Maybe it seems unattainable.  Only focus on this week.  THIS WEEK.  You can do ANYTHING for a week.  Then, focus only on today.  You can do this!!  WE can do this together!

Make today count!!

Tutus & Tiaras Virtual Run

Today was my next virtual race.  I was supposed to do it by the end of May, but I was still nursing my hip injury.  Thursday, for the first time, I felt NO pain!  None.  I was planning to get out and run over the weekend, but that didn't happen.

So this morning, I laced up and hit the pavement.  I was so ready to get back into my training!!  It was a beautiful morning, the weather was perfect (55 degrees).  The sun was shining, the scenery was gorgeous.

(33:42, average pace:  10:50 min/mile)

I felt a little tight as I began.  But after the first mile, my hip was feeling pretty good.

I didn't have my Garmin watch on me.  I'll admit, I kind of felt naked without it.  It had been so long since I last ran that it died.  So I relied on my RunKeeper and Nike+ Apps.

By the end of the run, I was so happy to be out there.  

I've missed my running time.  It's my time to escape everything.  I needed that.  It makes me a better momma.

Now to keep on training.  I originally was scheduled to do the Drop 13 half this Saturday.  Well.  After a lot of thought, I've decided to skip that race.  My hip is just BARELY feeling good again and I don't want to take 10 steps backward.  After all, I have some pretty big races to train for this fall!

On a side note:  It is Monday, and I am supposed to weigh in.  I haven't done it yet.  I'm sure it won't be pretty.  The whole "no grains" thing went out the window since Thursday.  But not only did it go out the window, I pretty much shoved everything I could into my pie hole in the mean time.  Yes, it was my anniversary and we splurged.  But we didn't have to splurge for 4 days straight.  Oy Vey!  Luckily, last week I made huge progress so hopefully I'll still be right on track to hit my 3 pounds a week goal.  I'll update ya tomorrow.

One Week In

We are officially one week into our challenge to lose weight by the wedding (so I can go to Marco Island, FL in December).

Just a re-cap, in case you aren't aware of what's happening:
Jason and I agreed that we both wanted to push to get healthy.  My youngest brother is getting married September 6th.  That gives us a great deadline to push for.  We decided if we BOTH lose 45 lbs by that date that I can book my plane ticket to Marco Island, FL and enjoy a little relaxation with Jason when he has his annual sales conference on the beautiful beach.

We started last week, and today we needed to weigh in 3 lbs less than last Monday.
Jason needed to be at 275.1 for a 3 lb loss, and I needed to be at 201.9.

........Drum Roll Please........


Jason: 271.1 (a 7 pound loss!!!)
Alisha:  198.9 (a 6 pound loss!!!)

We both more than doubled what we needed to do this week!

I already know the question we are going to get....HOW?
Simple:  NO grains.  NO sweets.  LOTS of veggies!!

Next weeks goal:
Jason:  268.1
Alisha:  195.9

Choose to be conscious

Sometimes I think about blogging, and then I don't know what to say.
Sometimes I think about blogging, and then I just get busy.
Today, I thought about blogging, and knew I needed to do it.

I've been working hard to get my eating in order.  I went an entire week without grains.  During that week I dropped 6 pounds.  SIX!

I couldn't believe it!

Then.  I got munchy.  And lazy.

So now, today I am focused again.
The Mr. and I made a deal.
In December, he always has a sales conference.  For the last few years they have always gone to Marco Island, Florida.  I went with him once and it was beautiful and relaxing.  I wanted to join him on other trips there, but logistics have never worked out.  This year is different.

We both agreed that Marco Island was worth working for.  (Along with other big events happening.)  So we made an agreement.  If we BOTH had lost a pre-determined amount of weight by September, I would book a ticket and join him.

We are doing this today, we are doing this together.  We have 15 weeks until my brother's wedding and that is the date we will hopefully book my flight to Marco Island.

We set our goal high, figuring we needed to average a loss of 3 lbs a week.  That is 45 pounds by the beginning of September.

It won't be easy.  Not even a little bit.
It's going to take focus.
And desire.
But I know we can do it.

We weighed in yesterday:
Alisha:  204.9
Jason:  278.1

By September 6th, we need to be at:
Alisha: 159.9
Jason: 233.1
(When I look at that number it seems like a mountain I can't climb.  It seems far.  Undoable.)

So instead, I'm focusing on just this week!
Alisha:  201.9
Jason: 275.1

One ounce at a time.  One week at a time.  One day at a time.  One decision at at time!
Choose to be conscious this week, choose to be focused!

Where are you going to be a week from now?  What choices are you making today to ensure your success???

Making Monday Count!

It's been 2 weeks since I last ran.
Actually, it's been 2 weeks and 2 days.

This is the longest I've gone without running in 3 months!
It's killing me.

Last night I went out for a walk.
My hip was sore to start, but eased up.
It gave me hope.
Today I'm going to try an easy run.
::gulp::

If I continue following the marathon training schedule I had planned, this week I have 2 30 min runs and then a 4-5 miler on Saturday.  (Depending on how I feel.)

Here's hoping I can get back in the swing of things easily.

In other news...I made a big change last Tuesday.
BIG.

I decided to eliminate grains from my diet.
My intake hasn't been perfect.
But, I've avoided grains, increased my veggies, and eliminated ice cream.
The results have been amazing!
Like ridiculous, jump-start amazing!
(I'll blog more about it, check back...)

Make your Monday count!  Do something to be proud of!

Time to work

This last week was rough.
My heart has wanted to run, but my body has said no.
My hip is feeling a LOT better.
I am able to walk upstairs without crying.
But I still can't walk completely without pain.
My physical therapist told me to hold of on a run until I could walk without pain.
So, I wait.
He said it could take as long as 3 weeks.  UGH!
(I'm hoping I can try it by this Saturday!)

In other news...
Things just got pretty serious around here.
Like I have a deadline to lose this weight.
2 marathons and a fall wedding, deadline.

Yep, you read that right!

Yesterday I found out I got in to the St. George Marathon!

I am SO excited.  This race was the one that really changed my life.  Now, I get to run it again...healthier, and happier!

This means I will be on a detailed schedule for training, including using weights to cross train so I can stay injury free.  This also means I need to be careful what I fuel my body with so I can make both of these races happen.

I am so excited, not only did I get in to the St. George Marathon, but so did my amazing friend Windee.  We will be meeting in St. George to do 26.2 crazy miles.

Some moments I'm excited.  Then others, I get a sick feeling in my stomach thinking about how far 26.2 miles is!  It's in those moments that I'm worried that I make myself remember that finish line.  There has been NOTHING that compares to the feeling of accomplishment that I had in St. George Utah in 2007.  Nothing.  Crossing that line, seeing my family all there to support me was one of the proudest moments of my life.  Now, I get to do it again.

I found this video yesterday, and it instantly filled me with all those emotions again!
(I plan to watch this video a LOT over the next few months...)

Diagnosis

I knew something was wrong Saturday after the half marathon.
My hip hurt.  Like bad!
It wasn't just the dull ache, it full on was a sharp annoyance.
And going up stairs...impossible to do without tears, or yelps of pain.

I did the logical thing.
Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation.

I took ibuprofen around the clock.

Come Monday, I was walking a little better...but not much.
I opted to head in for a 90 min massage to work out my IT band, hoping that would help.
It didn't.
At least not a lot.

Yesterday I finally bit the bullet and went into a physical therapist.
He's confident I have an acute bursitis in my hip.
They did an electro-stimulation, put some heat on it, and taped it up.

I'm set to go back in on Monday too.

I'm pretty discouraged.
I planned to make this my best running month yet, but that is out the window.
He told me he thinks I'll be healed within a week or 2, once the inflammation goes down.
But until then, I'm only supposed to walk.
And even if I walk, it can only be if there is zero pain.

Well.  Right now, I never have zero pain.  So walking is out too.
Each day I stretch it, and each day it seems to feel a little better than the last.

Here's hoping the pain goes away completely so I can get ready for my next half!

Eyes Wide Open

I don't even know what to say.
Or how to start this post.
So bare with me, I'm just going to write.

Have you ever had one of those moments where reality slapped you across the face?
Hard.

It just happened.
Tonight.

And now, I'm sitting on my bed (in my PJs), alone, trying to wade through the feelings.
Shock, denial.  Pity.  Embarrassment.  More denial.  Confusion.  More embarrassment.

I know we are our own worst critics.
I get that.
But a picture is worth a 1000 words.
And this one (or these ones) were bad.

Like I can't even bring myself to post them, so bad.

I'm not going to lie.  I've avoided mirrors for a while.
Other than my itty, bitty compact mirror that I use to see my face close up when doing my make up.
I wear a lot of hats, or messy buns, or pony tails.

I have successfully avoided myself going on the last 9 months (since I had Madison).

And then tonight happened.

I saw a picture of what I look like in this moment, at this weight.
And I cried.

That's not me.
That's not what I picture myself looking like.
That's not who I was a year and a half ago.
Who is this person?
How do I get me back?

You may be reading this and thinking, 'geez...it's all about the weight', right?
Well you'd be wrong.

I saw more than the extra 50 pounds I've packed on in the pregnancy (and since kept on).
I saw a sadness in my eyes in a moment I thought I was happy.
I see frustration.
Frustration that I keep quitting on myself.  That I keep giving myself "outs."

Enough!
No more outs.
No more valid excuses.
It has to change.
Because if you don't make a change, you are just going to continue getting the same results.

Tonight my head changes.
I'm not giving up on this journey to find me.
I know I'm in there.
I know I'm worth fighting for.

Now comes the scary part...
doing it.

Lessons

I've talked before about my love for race bling!
It's safe to say, I run for it.
Each race, I get so excited to have a new blingy medal.
Saturday was no different!

Most of the time, I let the medal be a surprise.
I don't try to see it ahead of time because I like having my first look at the finish line.

Well Saturday, I got the best medal ever.
And it was NOT from the Provo City Half.
Sure, that medal was nice.
But it doesn't compare to the one I'm referring to.

In fact, no medal I have received compares to it.
I've had a few come close.

For instance, this one is my first race ever and the marathon of my life!

I went physically and mentally where I never thought it was possible.  I turned a leaf in my life that day, I chose to live again.
I will always treasure that medal!

Then there is this medal.

It is from the Hibiscus Half in Hawaii.
You know, the race I was SO EXCITED to run during our family trip in May 2013.
Only, then I had a surprise pregnancy with Madison.
And I couldn't risk running a half so far away from my doctor at that point in my pregnancy.
So this medal came from my amazing Mom!
She continued training for the race, even knowing I couldn't do it with her.
Then at the finish line...after a GRUELING race, she told me she ran the race for me.

Seriously!  That is my mom, folks!  She trained and trained, dealt with yucky humidity that she wasn't used to running in, and never quit just so she could give me the medal I so badly wanted.

I will treasure that medal forever, knowing the sacrifice she made for me!

While these 2 medals are some of my most prized possessions, the medal I received Saturday trumps them.

I came home from my half to be given this.

There are many days I have terrible self talk.
There are many days I think I'm not enough.
There are many days I wish I was stronger, faster, thinner, happier, craftier, a better mom, a better wife, a better friend.

But what this showed me was that in my daughters eyes, I am enough.

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be 

In my daughter's eyes

"In My Daughter's Eyes"

Sung by Martina McBride