Clean it up

***Before I get any nasty emails, just know...these thoughts are mine, and mine alone.  Take them with a grain of salt...

In the last year I've watched the fitness buzz words change.  I've seen words like "clean eating" and "paleo."  I've heard about products to aid in getting healthier like "shakeology" and "advocare."  

Now I'm not knocking any of these things.  I'm sure they work.  I've seen results people post.  I hear people talk about eating quinoa (what IS quinoa?!).  I've been asked if I want to buy the cleanses and the shakes.

While it all sounds tempting to jump on the latest fitness buzz....my answer is no.  No, thank you.

Clean eating is fantastic, and amazing, and great for the body.  But asking me to jump on board something like that is like asking Walt Disney to walk away from Disneyland and close the doors.  

It just ain't gonna happen.

While I would love to get on here and tell the world that I cooked lettuce wrapped ____ with a side of freshly picked _____ ....the truth is, I'm just trying to be strong enough to say no to Wendy's that just opened down the street from me.

You see, jumping in 500% is great for some, but for me...I can't tackle that when I'm still fighting the urge to eat out.  Because of that, MY version of clean eating consists of eating at home.  It doesn't have to be clean...in fact, it can even be processed and cooked in a microwave.  It's called baby steps! And there is a progression to getting healthier.  You take one step, and when that becomes mastered, you take another.  

Am I saying that I will never try quinoa, or a paleo based diet?  No.  I don't know what the future holds.  

All I'm saying is that for me, and my lifestyle, I'm not prepared to get hung up on the fact that I allow myself or my children processed food.  Our baby step is that we are eating at home more.  I am planning meals, and actually MAKING them!  That is a ton healthier than the fast food we've been used to.

So if you're like me, and you get overwhelmed with all the buzz words of the health industry right now....take a breath!  This can be done without being a "clean eater" or without eating only organic fruit.  And this can be done without adding any cleanses or shakes.  I've done it before, and I'm doing it now.  It comes down to making smarter choices.  For instance:  gee, I'd like to eat ice cream...but I know I can't trust myself with the scooping from the carton.  So, the choice of buying pre-packaged Smart Ones desserts works for me.  It cures the sweet tooth, but doesn't allow me to dive in head first uncontrollably.  

Figure out what works for YOU!  Make the baby steps, it's those steps that add up...

Big Thanks!

Yesterday ended up being one of THOSE days.  It wasn't good.  I barely did anything.  But I made a promise to someone that today would be different...and I hit the ground running this morning!

When I started this blog, I did it to encourage and empower people to become a better self.  I did it to show anyone interested that getting healthy is not only attainable, but also to give real life results as I progressed.  I have received many emails and messages along the way, thanking me for my honesty...telling me I inspire them.

It is always so flattering to know that somewhere, someone believes they can do it just by seeing me face things here.  In fact, it's probably the main reason I blog.  And it's the one reason I keep at this journey.  Because EVERY BODY deserves to love themselves...every single person!

As you read in my last post, in 2013 I took some pretty large steps backward.  I didn't intend to, but here I am at what feels like the starting gate AGAIN.

What is absolutely amazing and beautiful about the starting line this time is that I have the support and encouragement of others I've inspired in the past, checking in with me DAILY to get my fire lit.  I had no idea that I'd even need the encouragement again, but I guess what goes around...comes around.

I've been communicating back and forth with a few readers.  Some are dear friends that I have met along this journey, others are old friends I went to high school with, and others have been complete strangers!  I want to thank each person who has reached out to me!  I am so touched by the genuine response from all of you!  It isn't easy publicly announcing the need to start over again.  But the love I've felt has been amazing!

Each person who has reached out has had the same message for me:  Don't Quit!  I've been told  that because I inspired THEM in the past to get healthy, they were now making it their mission to help ME along the journey this time around!

You guys!!!  You have no idea how much it has meant!  I started this blog to encourage others, and in doing so...you have no idea how much you lift me up!  I feel like I get so much more out of this blog than any of you do....THANK YOU!!!

The reason I share this is to encourage anyone out there reading this to team up with me!  There is power in numbers, there is power in support!  Don't do this alone!  Join me.  Whatever you are trying to change, whatever you are trying to do....let's do it, NOW.  TODAY!  In 2014!!  WE will come out on top!!!

Twists and Turns

Sometimes, people think you have things all figured out.

Here's a secret:  they don't.  No one has everything all figured out.

You see, this journey we are on…the progress we are making, it's a continual thing.  There are ups and downs along the road.  Trust me, I know!

So lets address the elephant in the room.  Since Thanksgiving I have done VERY LITTLE.  (And very little would be a generous statement.)

I'm not going to lie.  I've been in a funk.  And if I'm being completely honest, I've been in a funk for a long while.

Many of you know that our little Madison was a surprise.  A very unexpected surprise.  I had a hard time getting excited.  (Judge away.)  When she was born, I was worried I wouldn't connect with her because I was pretty bitter about getting pregnant right when I was at the peak of my health (yes, totally self-centered feelings, but my feelings none-the-less.).

I can tell you that I have ABSOLUTELY fallen in love with that little girl!  She was meant to be with our family!

I hoped once she was born, I'd bounce right back into everything.  But, I didn't.
I hoped once she was born, I'd get re-energized about my health.  But, I haven't.

I struggled with moving away from the place I called home, I struggled with finding new friends.  I struggled with feeling alone.  I am still struggling with some postpartum depression.  And how did I combat those struggles?  Food.  And it hasn't helped that the holidays came with DELICIOUS treats.

The last few months have been hard.  There have been many days full of tears.  There have been moments when I stayed in bed all day because it was too taxing to simply get dressed…let alone go work out.

There have also been times I've tried.  I've tried to force myself to do better.  And when I've forced myself to get moving, or even get out of the house, I do feel better.  But it's been hard.  And I'm here, sharing it because I need out.  I feel like I've been in a fog…or rather, drowning under water.  That I can look up and see the surface.  And I know I need to kick my legs and swim to get there, so I don't drown…only that would take effort, and I've simply not had any.  I'm tired of it.  I need to break through the surface.

There are many who are too ashamed to share what I've just shared.  In fact, I've been embarrassed about it myself.  I felt I should have been stronger.  I wanted to be stronger.  I wanted to show my journey of 'wins' and felt dumb that I couldn't pull myself together.  But here's what it comes down to, I'm in a battle with my body (mentally and physically) and I'm going to win.  Maybe I won't win everyday, but in the end…I'm going to come out on top.

So here I am.  Asking for a little compassion…not from my readers.  You readers have always been SO compassionate.  I'm asking for compassion from myself.  I'm telling myself that it is okay to have fallen down.  And it's okay to have to start over.  And more importantly, it's okay to be honest about where I am at so I can get the support I need.

Here's to focusing on health for 2014, and the hard journey that I have ahead…

 

Happy Halloween

This is going to be a quick post.  Mostly because it's Halloween.  Halloween in our house means:  costume preparation, school parade, home-cooked stew, trick-or-treating, and so much more.

It's a busy day!

But I wanted to pop in and say that I am SO excited that a few of my readers are going to join me in this 4 week challenge.  Lisa, Debbie, Windee, and Tracy all agreed to join in on the fun!  I can't wait to follow your progress and watch for your comments.  WE CAN DO THIS!

As you can see, I added the calendar image above.  That is where I will update each day with my highlighted (completed) tasks to stay accountable.

I know yesterday I got in my lifting and steps.  And I already read that Debbie did too...how did the rest of you do?  (Yes.  I'm calling you out!)  :)

As we move into November, I just want to let each and everyone of you know how much I appreciate you!  I couldn't have imagined where this blog would be.  It started as just a small thing, sharing my daily struggles and story.  And it's turned into such an amazing network of incredible people.  Thank you for motivating me, for sticking with me, for sharing your stories through email with me.  I am touched.

Happy Halloween to you from my family!!

4 Weeks of Accountability

So this morning I realized we are about exactly 4 weeks away from Thanksgiving.  4 weeks!  (Where has this year gone!?)

Because of that, I've decided I need to get my behind in gear.  I am certainly NOT where I thought I would be after having my baby.  So, what better time to start than 4 weeks before I stuff my face full of all things delicious at the Thanksgiving table.

Now.  Because I've been hit and miss on here, I've also made another commitment to myself.  I am not going to step on the scale until 4 weeks from today.  I know what my weight has been hovering at.  And I really, really, REALLY want that number to start dropping.  But then I go all psycho and self-sabotage with Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

So.  I came up with a game plan.  And I set up some rules.  Do you want to play along and take control of your November too?  Here are the rules:

Rule 1:  NO weighing in until November 27th.  None, zero, zilch.  Hide that scale.

Rule 2:  No candy/dessert/ICE CREAM.  Yep.  I'm starting this THE DAY BEFORE HALLOWEEN.  Why not?  I'm crazy like that!  But trust me, come December there will still be plenty of Reese's and Snickers and Butterfingers!  (I'm just hoping I won't want them then!)

Rule 3:  Follow this program:

Rule 4:  Return and report.  For me, this consists of highlighting the activities completed EVERY DAY.  Then I will upload the image here for you to follow along.  For you, it consists of leaving me a comment ... letting me know what you accomplished.

Now.  As you can see, Sunday's are my day off.  Other than that, my booty will be moving each and every day.  No exceptions!  Each day, I'll post this picture at the top of the blog post (or maybe I'll get all fancy and figure out how to pin a post to the top of the blog...)  Either way, you will know exactly where I'm at.

What I need from you?  SUPPORT!  I've been consistent for about 2 weeks in the past, then I've fallen off the wagon.  Will you please be my cheerleader?  (Is that silly to ask?)

Gulp.  Here goes nothing!  (and as of right now...1:48pm MST I am only at 3,262 steps for the day and still need to get in my leg lifts...wish me luck!)

Ripples

Let me start by taking you back to where the ripple in the water started....

I was doing so good with my exercising and running.  I was posting here more.  The scale was moving the right direction!  It was 2 weeks full of focus and determination to hit 10k steps, and to lift weights Mon/Wed/Fri.  

Then.  Last Wednesday came.

Nothing significant happened on Wednesday.  I just made one simple decision that has caused a ripple of other effects.

Wednesday I decided I would skip the morning leg lifts in our gym, and do them that evening instead.  Only.  I didn't.  By the time evening came, it sounded a lot better to sit and relax rather than changing into exercise clothes and start doing squats.  

So I gave in.

And from there, I allowed myself to give in to all sorts of terrible food.  I allowed myself to skip runs that I had planned.  I allowed myself to wallow.

See the ripple?

I was feeling all sorry for myself as I knew the scale would be moving in the other direction.  But I sat, wallowing, and shoving anything that was even moderately sweet into my pie hole.

Bad week?  Yes.  And for what reason?  None, other than I allowed it.

Losing weight is hard.  It is so hard to stay focused.  It can be so frustrating.  SO FRUSTRATING!  It's frustrating to have been so close, and now packed the weight back on.  (Granted, it was for a good reason....but it's still hard!)  

So yesterday I was sitting there...in my sweat pants...feeling all sorry for myself.  Then I had a very powerful and eye opening moment happen.  I'd like to open up and share...

As you know, I have 4 great children who mean the world to me.  Right now, one of my children is struggling.  I'd like to say a little bit, but that would be a lie.  She's really struggling, and it breaks my heart.  She is incredibly talented, you should hear the girl sing!!!  She is beautiful, inside and out!  She is hilarious!  She is kind, and helpful.  But she is struggling with her reading.  Over the last year+ as we've worked with her, it's become apparent that reading just doesn't come easily for her.  As I sat there yesterday, watching her S.T.R.U.G.G.L.E through her book I couldn't help but think of how frustrated she becomes.  She wants to be a great reader!  (She certainly puts in the time to become one!)  Some days, she does so great at sounding out words....other days, she struggles to name the letter she is looking at.  It breaks my heart to see her try so hard, and put in all the effort, only to feel like she is not good enough!  Tears have been shed (by both of us) as she tells me she feels dumb.

So you may be wondering why I would share such personal information about my sweet girl....let me explain!

Yesterday, as I sat listening to her, it dawned on me...there are many days when she becomes frustrated!  There have been many, MANY tears shed by her when she feels inadequate.  Yet through it all, she doesn't give up!

She never gives up!

My beautiful daughter dusts herself off, and keeps trying no matter how hard it is.  Why?  Because that is what our family does!  When hard things come our way, we don't stick our head in the sand.  We don't let hard keep us down.  Sure, it may knock us back...but we always, ALWAYS get up.  

So I sat there, realizing what an example she is to me!  She reminded me that the Bowling's never, NEVER give up when things get hard.  And just as she will continue to put in the endless time and effort to learn to do what she feels is impossible, so will I.  Together, we will both keep working on the hard things in life and we will become stronger for it!

(And one day, long down the road, if you ever read this....I hope you will know just know how much I love you Red Kitty!  You are incredible in so many ways...)

Transforming Tuesday

Daily Accountability:  Although I didn't post yesterday, I'll have you know that I did in fact run my run over the weekend...3 miles to be exact.  And I did hit my 10k steps yesterday (Monday).  (Sunday's I've decided to not focus on the NEED to hit 10k.  If I hit it, great.  If I don't, no biggie.)

Today is all about transformation.  Today, I promised I would be accountable...even if that meant I had to swallow some pride in the process.

Before I wrote this post, I knew I needed to get my work out in.  I knew I needed to have a positive to build myself up with.  So I did.  I did my 30 minutes of walk/run intervals (what I've found to be the BEST tool at losing weight...to trick your body with a fluctuating heart rate).

As I finished my workout, I logged on to Instagram (do you follow me?  If not, check the side bar so you can!)  As I was scrolling through the pictures, I came across one my sweet Aunt Tonya posted.  It was a picture she took of a snail.  I borrowed that picture and added the words she used on the picture because I think it is so relevant!

Somedays all I can think about is how fast can I lose all this weight?  How fast, how fast, how fast?

But somedays, we have set backs.  Somedays, we step on the scale and are frustrated with what we see.  Somedays, it takes all we have just to keep inching forward across the road...dodging the traffic coming in our direction.  Somedays it takes every ounce of determination to stay focused and not give up.

Just as this snail made it across the road in one piece, we too can make it.  It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow.  But we will make it, and the most important thing is we will be in one piece!  We will be stronger because of the work we had to put in.  

While the road ahead seems pretty long for my goals, inching forward is the only way I can get there in one piece...

Today's starting weight:  187.4

Do Better

Daily Accountability:  I am still holding strong with my streak!  Hit my 10k steps again yesterday.

The weekend is coming fast.  It just so happens that it is fall break around here for my kids.  I had plans to make it a fun weekend until we got slammed with rain yesterday.  I have hopes that today will be better though, the sun is shining.

The sun is shining in more than one way!

Despite being ridiculously sore, I am seeing the sun shine.  I haven't stepped back on the scale, but plan to on Monday (and I'll report it on here).  I love that after 4 days of exercising again I am feeling good.  The soreness is a good sore.  Because I know my body will start changing.

Do I wish it would happen overnight?  Yeah, who wouldn't.

But I know that it takes time, a lifetime to be exact!  You see, even when I reach my goal things will still be difficult.  I'll still have the same fat-girl inside of me...whispering for me to eat the entire carton of ice cream, followed by 3 cookies.  I will always have that fat-girl tempting me.  And I'm sure some days I'll give in, but the key is to stay strong most days.  Each day is a new day, and no matter what happened yesterday...TODAY we can do better!

So that's your challenge (and mine!).  Do better TODAY.  Find something to work on, just one thing.  And focus on it over the weekend.  We can do better!  Enjoy your weekend!

Difficult

Yesterday it was difficult to get in my steps.
Like really difficult.
I started the morning by working out my legs...I'm talking squats, lunges, leg extensions, and a few others.

My legs were jello.

Not to mention, I had a tired mom day.  So to say I wanted to just sit on the couch and veg out would be an understatement!  (And I don't even like watching TV!)

But I knew I needed to get busy.  I had about 4,000 steps to get in.  So I went back to what worked before...just in a new location.  (And with a little bigger screen.)

That's right, I stepped and stepped for hours.  I was tired.  And took a lot of breaks.  I ended up stepping during the commercials and sitting during X-factor (and one other show I had previously recorded).  Finally, after about 3 hours....and at about 10:30 at night I hit my goal.

Yep.  That is 3 days in a row. 

It may only be 3 days, but it's 3 more days than I would have had if I hadn't started when I did.  See that's the thing....getting started is the HARDEST.  Taking those first steps.  Making it through that first week, difficult.  But it gets easier!  And it feels SO GOOD to consider myself active again.  Whether the scale moves or not, I am proud that I am doing it....not just wishing it.

So what is it that you are going to do, and not just wish??? 

Finally!

I did it!  FINALLY!  I managed to hit 10,000 steps 2 days in a row....I wonder how long I can keep the streak alive?!  Keep watching and we will see.....

As for today, today I was tired...AGAIN.  And the weather is getting chillier so my bed was so snuggly warm this morning.  And I was up a lot last night with little Madison (she had shots yesterday and was very uncomfortable.) 

But as I laid in bed, I had my phone and logged on MFP and saw all you wonderful people out there getting it done.  So, I sent my girls off to school, and laced up my shoes.

I feel very blessed to have the equipment in my home to lift.  Today was leg day, and my legs are now feeling like jello!

But I want to say....you don't NEED exercise equipment to lose weight.  People, I lost all my weight (all 85 pounds of it) without spending a single day in the gym!  I didn't lift a single weight!  

IT CAN BE DONE!

I promise, losing weight is significantly about the foods we eat!  It's a lot less about the exercise than you would think.  Now, I'm not saying you don't need to exercise!  You do!  Even if it's just walking and putting your laundry away one piece at a time.  But focusing on what we shove in our pie holes is where the scale will start to budge!

I'm no expert, and I only say this from my personal experience....but I'm a firm believer in getting in tons and tons of veggies!  I know when I start my days off with my green smoothie (filled with spinach) the scale is a lot more generous to me!  

So get those veggies in!  And share with us any other tips you might have stumbled upon in your own experiences...