New challenges.

Husband home = new challenges.

Ugh.

I haven't been as careful.

My scale is punishing me for it.

But, it's okay.

I realize I am running, no sprinting toward my ultimate goal.  But ultimately, what I need to remind myself of is this isn't a race...it's a lifelong journey.  That means I need to stop waiting to get to my final weight.  Instead, I need to find acceptance to be where I'm at.

(And where I'm at now is a place I haven't been in YEARS!)

I realized a couple days ago just how long it's been since I've been in the 160's!  I looked at an old drivers license.  I couldn't remember the weight I listed, BUT...I did remember that when I gave them my weight it was 100% truthful!  (I know, shocker...right?)  So I checked out the weight...165.  It has literally been a decade, and now I am just a measly 4 pounds away from that!  (Give or take...)

What that also means is that my husband has never seen me smaller than I am at this point.  (And I don't feel small right now people!)

I've got a great post planned for tomorrow if I can round up what I need...so watch for it, it will be a real eye opener!  :)

W.I.D.T.H.

Are you familiar with Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit?  He does a great weekly post about W.I.D.T.H.  (I was featured on it this morning.)  :)  You should check out his blog, it's quite entertaining!

Also, remember how I've been anxiously waiting to see the 60's?  This morning my scale showed 169.5!  It won't be my official weigh in until Thursday, but I can tell it's going to be a good week!

Also, remember how my husband has been M.I.A. all summer?  Well he's back, for 12 whole days!  (That's more than he's been home in 3 months!)  So you might wonder how I'm going to reward myself (because let's face it, I deserve a reward!).

SPIN CLASS!!!!

(and it was fantastic!)

Goal weight.

Some have asked what my goal weight is.

Truthfully, I don't know.

I know what my healthy range is...
I know what I looked like when I was in high school... (11 years ago!)

But I don't know what I want my final goal weight to be.

I guess it's more of how I feel.  I don't feel like I want to shoot for a number.  I don't want to be disappointed in a number.  I want to keep loosing until I feel good in my skin.

Up above I set my "ticker" to show 160 as my goal weight.  That is the weight when I am officially no longer "over-weight" or "obese" or "morbidly obese."  (You know I started at the "morbidly obese.")  At 160 I will officially be a healthy weight.

Is 160 my destination?

No, definitely not.  I know I have more than 11 pounds still to loose.  But 160 will be an accomplishment. 160, I will have dropped my BMI into my healthy range for my height.  So that is the reason I have 160 as my ticker weight.  No, not because it's my final destination.  Most definitely not.

Do it anyway.

I didn't want to weigh in today.  But I did it anyway.

I wanted to wait until Saturday, give myself a few extra days to get a lower number.

But, I knew if I gave into my excuses...I'd do it every time.  I realized that maybe the number wouldn't be what I wanted today, but at least I was being consistent and holding myself accountable.

I was in fact down.  (Barely.)  But I worked hard to shed those 3+ pounds I gained in the beginning of the week.  Today I was at 171.4.

Still dancing around the 70's.

I'm sick of the 70's!

But I'm thankful I was down the 0.6 after the week I've had.

Truthfully, I'm thankful I'm down the 31 pounds I am after the summer I have had!  It's been hard.  Probably the hardest summer I've had.  It's been stressful, it's been emotional, it's been exhausting, it's been lonely.  All of those reasons in the past were reasons I would give up.  All of those reasons were reasons I would put off my weight loss.

But I'm done making excuses!  I'm done with not being the person I have the potential to be.  Life is too short to put anything off, even for a day.

20/20

The number on the scale is getting better.  It's still not great, and it's not back to where I was...but it could be by tomorrow!

You know how they say hind-sight is 20/20?  Well, it is!  The food I snacked on and ate, the food that caused my number to jump...it wasn't even THAT good!  In the moment it was, but that was just for the moment.

What I need to remember is that no food tastes as good as thin feels!!!

My scale hates me.

Don't worry I hate him too!

He thinks playing tricks on me is funny.  He thinks it's amusing to go up, not down.

It's all HIS fault!

Because it couldn't be my fault, right?  It couldn't be that I have been emotionally eating for the last 2 days, snacking on everything in sight, right?  It couldn't be that I haven't exercised in 5 days, right?  It couldn't be that I have stopped counting points, right?  And it definitely couldn't be that I keep stuffing my face with anything sweet in sight, right?

No, most certainly not.

This is NOT my fault.

In any case, I'm going to make him pay for playing these tricks on me!  You just wait and see, Mr. Scale!  I'm going to surprise you by the time this week is through!

Little late...

I realize I'm a bit late in posting this.  Mostly because my Thursday was consumed with cleaning and making this cake...

for my husbands welcome home visit.  (Remember, he's been gone for months!?)  (Good thing cake doesn't tempt me WHAT-SO-EVER!)

I did make it to weigh-in though.  I was at 172.0  Good, not great.  And this weekend went from good, not great....to bad, and even worse!  I haven't stepped on the scale, I'm afraid.  I will need to, tomorrow morning???

I'm SO close to seeing a new number.  After meeting Thursday I planned to reach that infamous 60's this week.  Now, I'd like to just not see a gain!

Still plugging along.

I'm still plugging along.  I feel like I've been dreaming about the 60's for far too long!  And each post I keep saying I'm closer and closer!  This morning I was within a pound...ONE POUND AWAY!  (unofficially, of course.)

Tomorrow is weigh-in, we'll see what that brings.

As for today, I'm going to keep focused!  Remember how I said I might be going boating over Labor Day?  It's official, I am!  And I really want to feel confident!  And I REALLY want to be able to ski!  I LOVE skiing, but have had a hard time in years past.  I've got issues with my hands (carpal tunnel) but I also was packing an extra ton of weight!  I'm hoping with the loss of all this weight it will take the pressure off my hands so I can have some good runs!

Oh, one more thing...I made cookies yesterday!  And I only had 1!  (Okay, maybe technically a little more because I did eat some cookie dough!)  But I had to taste the actual cookies because I was giving them to a neighbor.  I was quite impressed with my self restraint!  It's getting easier and easier each day.....

50 is nifty!

This morning, my scale showed me at 172ish.  (can't remember the ounces)

That means I am now 50 pounds lighter than I was in April!

50!  That's more than my little Monkey weighs!!!!

Now I just gotta keep on movin, maybe by Thursday I'll see that number in the 60's I'm dreaming about!

Weekend Adventures

No.  I haven't fallen off the wagon.  Quite the opposite actually!

This weekend my parents came down for a visit.  I love when they come down!  They were so much help this weekend!  From getting me a sprayer to combat my massive weeds, to helping clean my house, helping do my laundry, to fixing my dishwasher that broke!  It helped so much to finish getting things ready for the new school year!

While they were down here, I didn't exercise.  I could have.  I should have.  But I didn't.  I was lazy.  I was worried the scale would punish me.  Especially after we went out to celebrate at Red Robin on Thursday night...and we had pizza...and pie...

Ya, I was not very "good" this weekend.

But, this morning my scale liked me.  I'm down, getting closer and closer to the magical 60's!

You might be wondering why we were celebrating.  Good question!  We found out Thursday night where Mr. B's territory will be.  He was placed in Salt Lake.  This means he will be home on weekends, this means I will be able to continue and finish what I've worked so hard for...Nursing School.  We couldn't have asked for anything better considering our circumstances!

Today my chicklets are nervous.  They start school tomorrow.  I know they will love it, but it's always scary starting something new.  There are a lot of "what-ifs" to new things!  I was thinking of what they are feeling...Tata asked "What if I'm not good at 1st grade, what if I can't do it?"  Of course I reassured her over and over.  But, it made me think of myself along this weight loss journey.  I have often had the thought, "What if it's too late.  What if I can't loose the weight I so badly want to lose."  Does this sound familiar to anyone else?  If so, I will answer it the same way I answered Tata's questions.

You CAN do this.  You WILL do this.  How do I know this?  Because I know you.  I know you are smart.  You will succeed because on days when it gets hard, and you are scared you will come to me and I will hold your hand through it.  We will do this together!

And with that thought, I have decided it's time to make this private blog public.  (Kind of scary.)  This has been my safety net.  This has been the place I am free to write what I feel, very openly.  I'm not planning on changing that.  I'm not making the blog public for attention.  Instead, I wonder if there is someone out there that might need their hand held, and that can hold my hand on hard days.  This is a very personal journey, but it can only be made by having the support of others.

So, if you stumble upon my blog and you wonder if you can do it too....I will repeat my advice:

You CAN do this.  You WILL do this.  How do I know this?  Because I know you.  I know you are smart.  You will succeed because on days when it gets hard, and you are scared you will come to me and I will hold your hand through it.  We will do this together!