Weekend review

The weekend came and went in a flash!!!

And just like that.  It's over.

Here's the recap.

Family came down to visit.

It was great!

We celebrated Mikayla's birthday in style...

swimming and all!

My mom, my hubby, and I ran the Swiss Days 5K race on Saturday morning.

It was the first race I've ever ran with either of them!

It was fun chatting at the starting line!

As for the race.  I was hoping to finish under the 30:00 mark.

My time:  30:16.  Dang.  So close.

Guess I'll be running another sometime soon!

The rest of the weekend was FULL (jam-pack full) of family time!

Some how the kids found time to play on my iPhone...

Throw SEVERAL temper tantrums...

And lose a very first tooth....

It was a great weekend, the kids enjoyed having their grandparents down...

and now I'm beat!

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow I get to run a 5K with two of my most favorite people!  (My husband and my mom!)

I'm excited to have a bunch of family coming down for the weekend!  Sometimes it's hard living far away from them all.

Here's to a happy weekend.  Full of family, fun, races, and building memories!

First Step

Today was tough.  I didn't want to go out and exercise.  The scale shows me up from Monday when I hit my awesome milestone.

I know, I know.  The scale fluctuates during the week....but I just want to be out of the 160's FOREVER!

After feeling a little deflated, I wanted to stay at home.  Play on FaceBook or stalk blogs or chat with friends.

But.  I laced up my shoes and stuck Bubba in his stroller.  At first, I didn't want to run.  (Remember, I HATE running with a stroller!?)  So I walked.  Up the mountain.  Literally.

Sure, the climb was tough.  My legs burned!  But I was moving when I didn't want to be, and I was proud of myself for doing it anyway...

(Literally, the entire 1.5 miles up was about this steep!)

It was an absolutely beautiful morning!  Only like 66 degrees outside!  I LOVED it!  I LOVE FALL!  The sun was shining and the song "I have been blessed" by Martina McBride came on my iPhone.  It was then that my smile returned as I reflected on just how blessed I am!  My heart is very full of gratitude today for all that I have.

After finishing (and I even added a little running into the mix) I was so glad I took that first step out the door.  You know the step I'm talking about...the HARDEST step to take!  If I wouldn't have taken that step, I would have missed this beautiful view today....and the awesomely cool weather!

Dreams

I keep looking at the number on the scale and wondering if this is a dream.....

If it is, please don't pinch me because I do not want to wake up!

What's in a number?

I have said many times that I will not let the scale dictate who I am as a person!
We are certainly more than any number given...

However, there are moments in my journey when that number means a lot!  There are moments when that number defines, in some way, who we have become.

When I started this journey, that number defined me at 233 pounds.  (I'm 5'7)  This put me at severely obese, I even read on one chart that I was morbidly obese.

I was fat.  I liked food a lot.  Like, a lot, a lot!  I didn't exercise.  Like ever.

I would be out of breath climbing one flight of stairs!  I would never get down on the floor to play with my kids because I couldn't sit comfortably with all my fat bulging (not to mention I was too tired!).  My wardrobe consisted of sweatshirt hoodies and stretchy exercise pants most of the time.  (That I wore because they had an elastic waist, NOT to exercise in...)  I did have 2 pairs of pant that "fit"...and by "fit" I mean I could button up if I sucked in really hard and held my breath while the waist band pinched off all feeling creating a rather large muffin top.

I remember how awful I felt.  I remember hating mirrors.  I would NEVER look in them!  I was miserable.  I felt stuck.

One might question how a person gets that way.  I can't speak for everyone, but I can tell you that for me food was my comfort.  I hated myself.  HATED MYSELF!  I had repressed a lot of emotional garbage.

For years (10 years to be exact) I allowed the self-hate and the self-blame from being raped affect me.  You see, I decided all those 10 years ago (11 now...) that I didn't deserve anything out of life.  I decided I was damaged goods after everything that happened to me.  Over the years I ignored my feelings, I ignored myself.  I ate to numb the hurt and pain that was too difficult to face.  Eventually, it began affecting every aspect of my life!  I would even try to self-sabotage relationships when I felt I didn't deserve to be in them...luckily I have an amazing husband that never left my side through it all!

I had let myself become the girl that ate upwards of 3,000-4,000 calories a day at times (maybe more...I stopped counting).  I had let myself become the girl that would go through 3 different fast food drive-thrus for 3 different dinners...then be so ashamed and embarrassed that I would stop at a dumpster before heading home to get rid of the "evidence."  Because if my husband never knew, it must have never happened....right?

I was the girl that could eat a whole carton of ice cream without thinking about it!  I was the girl that would eat a 4th and 5th meal every night!

I was the girl that was so sad at who I had become that I just kept spiraling downward.

Then.  It hit me.  Like a million bricks!  I took my daughter into the doctor for a well-child check up where he told me that if I wasn't careful, her growth pattern would continue down a very bleak road.  He showed me the graph.  We followed the pattern, and by age 18 she was set to be at a 36 BMI.

(Before I go on, let me add in a side note:  My children have an EXCELLENT pediatrician who was very careful to talk just to me about this as to not birth any self-esteem issues in my daughter who to the average joe looked relatively healthy....not fat, maybe a little thick, but by no means fat!  And I'm so grateful to him for his caution in approaching the subject!)

I left the office that day and sat in my car and took a good look at myself.  For one of the first times, I realized I needed to make a choice.  I could choose to continue down the path I was leading my children, OR I could choose better for them.

Up until this point, 9 times out of 10 I would let my past win.  I would let the hurt and the anger and raw emotions of all that happened to me get the best of me!  I was allowing those pathetic jerks, who forever changed my life, to continue dictating the path I was on because I didn't think I deserved any better for myself.  I was being a victim in my own life.

And had it only been affecting me, there is a chance this story would have been totally different.  However, that day I looked at myself in the mirror and decided that the obesity was going to stop with me!  I realized I put my family (and myself) through enough already, now....a decade later I needed to finish fixing what I started when I ran that marathon to heal.  You see, I had released the hurt and the pain and the anger when I trained for that marathon.  But I never had been able to fix my "deserve level."

I can honestly say, thanks to my children and husband I realized I did deserve more!  They also deserved more!  They deserved a mom and wife who looked forward to living.  They deserved a mom and wife who was teaching them healthy coping mechanisms, rather than the garbage I'd been showing them for far too long!

And that's where the journey began...slowly.

And while the journey is still in progress, yesterday became a milestone that for YEARS felt so out of reach!  Sure, it might just be a number on the scale to some...but to me, I can look in the mirror today and FINALLY say I am healthy again after a decade of suffering guilt, anger, remorse, frustration, loneliness, embarrassment, shame, and so much more!

 I finally hit 159.5 which puts me at a healthy weight again for the first time in my life since I was raped!

The emotions I felt (and am still feeling) as I saw that number on the scale were so overwhelming!  (The tears still stream down my face now!)

Everyone has different reasons for why they do what they do.  And no matter what the reason was that you gained weight, you have the power to stand up and change!  It may feel hard.  It may seem unrealistic.  But I promise, I PROMISE!  Each of you has the power to determine your own success story!

Don't let things from your past determine who you are today, and who you will be tomorrow!  I allowed my past to dictate my life for far too many years!  Years that I will never get back!  And now today, seeing where I've pushed myself to physically...I know I am strong.  I know I can can accomplish hard things!

(just for side by side comparison)

While I couldn't say this 10 years ago, I can today:  Life is good today!  And I am in love with the life I have.  Sure, it is still hard...LOTS!  But it is good, and I feel so blessed to be living the life I have!  Crappy things happen to all of us!  ALL OF US!  But the true determination of character is who we become from our past, how we let it shape our lives!

It is never to late to take back control in your life....NEVER!

It's all about the shoes...

Today I stepped on the scale and then instinctively began jumping up and down!

Then.  The tears welled up in my eyes!

Today, I earned these...

My heart is so full.

Tomorrow, I'll post the raw emotions involved!

But for today, I'm proudly wearing these:

Doing it anyway

Today I didn't want to run. At all!

I wanted to sit home on the couch being lazy!

Luckily I have some great friends that gave me the "shove" out the door! You groupie ladies rock my world!

As I started my run I realized that days when it sucks, days when you really don't wanna run....those are the days that determine your success!

Days when you do it anyway are the days that get you that number on the scale! Days when you really don't want to move, but you do anyway, are the days that get you in that swimming suit by Hawaii in May! Days when you suck it up and do it NO MATTER WHAT are the days that will get you #20byThanksgiving!!!

Today I got 1 step closer to my goal!

Did you?

Mental Block

I think it's safe to say I am having a mental block right now.

160 has been a HUGE milestone for me to reach for oh, I don't know ten million years.  In the past I've hesitated putting a "goal weight" on myself because I don't know how my body is going to feel at 150 or 140 or GASP even 130!  I just know I want to feel good in what I wear (or don't wear...) (sorry Mom!)

So for the longest time, 160 was my goal.  Not because I ever planned to stop at 160!  But because 160 FINALLY means I am in a healthy weight range.  It will mean I am no longer morbidly obese!  It will mean I am no longer obese!  It will even mean I am no longer overweight!

Can I just say that I can not wait for the day to log onto my wiiFit scale and have it stay in the "average" weight rather than being in the overweight (or remembering when it was all the way at the top of the obese?!?)

I've gotten close before!  Last year, on Halloween I weighed in at 159...or maybe it was 157.  (Time ruins my memory!)  But it was in the 50's!  However, it wasn't an "official weight watcher weigh in day" so I didn't track it.  BLAST!  But I know I was there!

Then, since that day, the scale went up...up and away!  Until I finally had enough to start doing something about it again.

I feel like I get close, then I self sabotage!  I get close, then I self sabotage!  I am NOT liking this pattern!

So here I am AGAIN.  ALMOST at that healthy weight mark.  And I want it so bad I can taste it!  But then I do dumb, dumb, dumby things like allow myself to eat out last week (TWICE!).

So this week I am FOCUSING!

September is almost over.  And I have a HUGE goal to see 159.9 before September 29th when my daughter is baptized and we have a bunch of family down and I run a 5K with my hubby and mom!  I am DETERMINED!

Plus.  I added one more reason.  Last week, the hubs and I had a date.  And since we are poor, we ended up walking around the mall.  There is a new shoe store in the mall so of course I HAD to go in for a looksie!

OH! MY! FREAKING! FANTASTIC!

I found pumps that I've been drooling about since.  (I'm not even lying!)  I seriously have had 3 different dreams about wearing these shoes!  One of them I wore my 5 inch pumps to clinicals in my hawt white scrubs.  Then next I was wearing them in my swimming suit.  And the last, I was wearing them at my daughters baptism.

Since the first two definitely won't happen...I want to make the 3rd happen!  But $40 is a lot for me to indulge myself on shoes.  So I figured I had to earn them.  And what better way to celebrate FINALLY (after over a decade) getting healthy!?!

So you can bet that the moment I see those 50's pop up on the scale I will be driving myself to the mall to pick up MY SHOES!!!!!  (They better have them by then or I'll be MAD!)

Now I'm off to go on a walk as I dream about wearing my heels with a cute skirt and shirt next Saturday morning!  :)

Don't worry....pics will come SOON!  (Today the scale said 163.1!)

What's exciting!

Want to know what's exciting to me?

Of course I get excited when I hit a new milestone, have a new NSV, or see my weight drop!  Seriously, I get excited!

But, there's something I get even more excited about...

I get a MILLION TIMES more excited when people around me share their huge milestones!  I get energized when people around me share their journey with me.

Today, I am SO proud of my mom!  She has been working so hard to lose weight.  It's not easy though!  But she has stuck with it through thick and thin!  And after talking with her yesterday I realized what a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE milestone she is about to hit!  One that is 20+ years in the making!

So sure, I get excited for myself....but REALLY!  It doesn't even compare to the excitement I have for my mom!

Keep working hard mom!  I am SO PROUD of you!

Coolness

I was nominated by a few different FABULOUS women for this award.  So a big shout out and thanks to you Brandi, Diane, and Desirae!

So now I get to share with you 7 facts about myself...

1. I live as a married, single-mom for most of the week (while my husband works 350+ miles away) to 3 beautiful children...Tata who is 8, Red Kitty who is almost 6, and Bubba who is almost 1 1/2.
2. I am in my 3rd semester of nursing school and LOVING it!
3. I am still trying to enjoy running.  There are days when it takes all I have just to finish a run without calling it quits early!
4. I am NOT a morning person.  Never have been!  Ever since I got mono in high school, I have always been a sleeper-inner.  (And yes.  I got mono in high school...smoochy, smoochy)
5. I played fast pitch softball in high school, I was a pitcher.  Loved it!  I miss playing so much and hope to find a slow pitch co-ed team in the next year to join up with.  
6. I am addicted to Grey's Anatomy and Parenthood.  They are pretty much the only shows I will make time for!
7. I have some major things on my bucket list that I want to accomplish!  Just a few:  hiking King's peak (highest peak in Utah), visit all 50 states, dip my toes in the Mediterranean Sea, visit Hawaii, go zip lining, go sky diving, drive a lambourghini (preferably an orange one!), RUN an entire marathon, complete the Utah Grand Slam (4 Utah marathons within a year) are just a few on the list...

So there ya have it, just a little about me.  Thanks for nominating me ladies so you could learn a little more about me!

Start fresh

It's a new week!

Which is a good thing after a disastrous weekend!  Looking back, it probably wasn't THAT bad because I'm still down for the week.  But really, I should have done a lot better!

But I'm not gonna should all over myself this morning.  It's over and done with.  I'm moving on.  And you should too!

So today I started the week off with a little kickboxing.  It was my first attempt at it.  Some of the gals I live around get together in the EARLY BUTT CRACK OF DAWN and do a kick box workout.  This was my first time going.

Have I mentioned I am NOT, NOT, NOT a morning person!?!  Because I'm not!

But I set my alarm for 5:50 to give me just enough time to dress, brush my teeth, and throw on a hat.  At 6am we started our workout outside at the park just down from my house.  It was a good time.  My heart was pumping, and I was sweating!

Now it's 9am, I have one workout in.  2 still left to do...and I'm gonna be a food nazi for the next entire week!  (EVEN THROUGH THE WEEKEND!)

Still on today's agenda:

• 10K runner app (week 9 day 1....20 min run / 3 min walk / 20 min run)
• Zumba class tonight (hr long)

Come next Monday I WILL see 159 on that scale!  I don't care how hard I have to push this body!  

Ray of Sunshine!

That's right folks!  I can see the light through my legs!  Progress!!

Warnings

My body hates me right now.

Not just a little.

I'm talking, full on I hate you mode!

Yesterday was my oldest daughter's birthday.  She had her heart set on eating at Red Robin and nothing was going to sway her.  She loves their food, but mostly she wanted the servers to sing to her!

I was nervous to go.  I haven't eaten out in a LONG time!  But I went in with a game plan:  only eat 1/2 my food.

As the kids were looking over their menus, I have to say I was quite impressed!  We've really been pushing "healthy eating" in our home.  I am very adamant on being careful about discussing weight loss with the kids because I don't want my girls growing up with a complex.  It is far too easy for girls to get obsessed with weight and I am trying to prevent eating disorders in our family!!  Well apparently, some of the things we say about healthy eating stick!  My birthday girl (who is a chocolate, carb, french fry addict) turned to me and said "Mom, today I think I'm going to choose a grilled cheese with apples for my meal."  I was shocked!  This coming from the girl who would down 3 baskets of fries if we let her!!  I simply said, "Oh, really?"  She then explained, "Yeah, I decided not to order fries because I think it's important to fuel my body with healthy foods."

SUCCESS!  My kids are getting it!  :)

Meals come, and I stuck to my plan.  I even opted for a turkey burger substitution for the meal I ordered.  I stopped myself at 1/2 and felt good.  Maybe a little too full, but manageable.  (I can't even IMAGINE if I had eaten the whole meal!!)

I get a to-go box and we head out.

And if I were to end the story there, you all would be SO PROUD of me, right?!

Well.  Things went sour.  And FAST!

Jason took Mikayla by The Sweet Tooth Fairy for a cupcake (since I didn't get a cake for her birthday because we are celebrating her friend party with a cake).  I knew this was turning ugly.  I knew I would have no self control.

I went in with the girls, and ended up ordering not just a cupcake.  Because really.  That would have been too easy.  Instead, I order myself a CUPSHAKE!  (A full cupcake with mounds of icing, PLUS ice cream all blended together.)  BAD ALISHA, BAD!

Then I ate the whole freaking thing!  (Minus 3 bites that my little guy begged for.)  (And even those I didn't want to share!)

Ugh.  This fat girl has a way of really coming out and making a mess of things!!!

So I got home.  Completely disgusted with myself.  BUT.  I tracked ALL MY FOOD!  All of it.  I was accountable.  (And almost 700 calories over for the day!!)

So what does any person do?  They decide to head to Zumba to make up that 700 calorie deficit.

Now.  Imagine.  Full stomach after leaving Red Robin + Full CupShake + Zumba......

My body HATED me!  I thought I was going to barf at Zumba!  I came home and was feeling the utter resentment my body had for my choices.

But here's the cool part:  I decided that this was a warning mechanism built into our bodies!  If we ignore it, that's bad.  Because eventually our body will give up fighting the crap.  But because I ate bad last night, my body was sending me a warning.  It was telling me, "Alisha...don't do this again.  Bad choices lead to a yucky body on the outside AND on the inside."

I really have no desire at all to eat out again for a while!  I am listening to my body's signals.  It makes me sad that for so long I used to ignore those warnings.  I used to power through the crappy feeling and eat more and more.  ICK!

So my challenge to you:  LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!  Make the weekend powerful!

Nuts and Bolts...Part 2

So I have also been asked a LOT:  "What are you doing, how much do you exercise?"

Here's my summary.  (Remember!  Sadly, not every body is the same so you will have to find what clicks for you.)

I have the 10K Runner App on my iPhone.  The training for it has you running 3x week.  I've been SO consistent with that!  I run when it tells me to run.  I walk when it tells me to walk.  I don't allow myself to walk during the walking segments because I know if I give into myself once, I'll do it again!!!  Recently (in the last week) I have upped my running more to 5x a week.  Right now I backed myself down to week 8.  I calculated out my 1/2 marathon in January, so I am begining the training now each week.  The app will take me through a 10K.  At that point, the makers of the app also have a 21K runner app (21K=13.1 miles).  This will get me through the 1/2 marathon.  Once I get into the 21K app, I noticed my running will be about 4x per week.

Running is my constant.

I also LOVE Zumba!  And by love, I mean I would make out with it if I could!  I feel awesome when I do it (although I'm sure I look like a fool!).  And I burn massive amounts of calories in the 1 hour class I go to!  The only problem:  when hubby is out of town.  Usually he is gone, lots.  This makes an 8:30pm - 9:30pm class pretty impossible with small kids who's bed time is 8pm.  So, I had to back down on this one.  I still go every chance I can!  But it's hit and miss!!

However!  I found a great deal on a Zumba DVD set on a online yardsale site.  I ended up getting them and have used them a few times.  My plan is to include the Zumba DVD's on days I can't actually get to the awesome "Warehouse".

Some have asked if I have been lifting weights, or doing situps.  Um.  No.  I did Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred 5 times over the last month.  Five.

I know I need to start adding the weights into it because I want to not just be "small" I want to be toned!  So I'm trying to figure that aspect out still.  (I'm kinda weight/gym/working out stupid)  Plus, I don't really have the $$$$ to join a gym right now.  But, I have 2 5-pound weights here at home so hopefully Pinterest will help me learn to make the most out of them!  :)

Really, that's all I've been doing.  I think sometimes we try to make things more complicated than they need to be.  Or sometimes we think we have to do everything all at once (weights, cardio, eating, etc).  If you can do it all at once...GO FOR IT!  But I cannot.  So I do what I can, and hope to see the scale thank me in return.

The biggest thing is do SOMETHING!  If you're overwhelmed, start at the beginning.  Like I said yesterday...with FOOD CHOICES!  Then slowly start adding some walking or jogging or a workout DVD.

FIND SOMETHING THAT YOU LIKE!  If you find something you enjoy it makes working out a LOT easier!

Now I'll be honest.  There are still many, MANY days that I hate running.  Before, when I was pretending to train for a marathon I got my miles up above 10.  I realized that the first 5 miles always SUCKED!  It took my body that long to figure out, 'oh...this isn't so bad.'  I keep wondering if that's why I'm hating these 2 and 3 mile runs.  Whatever the reason, just know that there are many days when it's a mind game!  I have to fight with myself to be strong.  I have to reward myself:  "If you finish your 28 minute FULL run, you can go to Zumba tonight."

It's kind of pathetic.  But I've realized losing weight is SUCH A MENTAL GAME!  You have to want it.  You have to want it SO BAD that your mind can't talk you out of it!!!  It's easy to give into yourself.  It's easy to make excuses.  It's easy to say, 'I'll just start tomorrow, or next week, or next month.'

PEOPLE:  if you keep putting it off, you are just making it that much harder on yourself!  Trust me, I did it for YEARS!

Take baby steps.  Find little success moments that you can be damn proud of yourself for!  No matter if you have 5 pounds to lose or 5,000 pounds to lose...it's possible!  I've read so many success stories!  I've seen my own progress!  I did not take a magic pill.  I did not have a surgery.  I did not go to bed and wake up 70lbs smaller.  It takes a daily commitment to yourself, and a re-commitment every day there after!  Will there be slip ups?  Yes.  (Unless I'm not normal.)  I've slipped up so many times!  I've fallen.  I've even told myself that 'I give up.'  But do you know what?  I'm so glad I never actually did.  All around me I see those close to me deciding to follow this same path and NOTHING makes me happier!

You too can follow this path.  Don't just read about my journey.  Start your own.  And share it with me!  I want to cheer you on!  I feel like I have been given a 2nd chance (and maybe a 3rd and 4th and 5th!).  I love how much more strength I have.  I love that I don't get so tired.  I love that I can climb my stairs FINALLY without being winded!  I love what I see when I look in the mirror....and it's been a LONG time since I could say that!

But what I love more is seeing those I love decide they are worth it too!  I love seeing my husband drop almost 50 pounds in the last 3-4 months, and he's still going!  I love seeing my brother lose over 80 pounds in the last 4 months, and he's still going!  I love seeing my mom...my greatest cheerleader...lose and keep off about 40 pounds, and she's still going!  I love seeing the healthy vibe click with those I love most!  I love that I have dear, dear friends who have decided they are worth it!  One who broke under the 200 pound mark for the first time in a while, the other who is SO CLOSE to breaking into those 100's!  I love that I am surrounded by people who have been in my shoes.  Who know how hard this is!  People who sweat, and curse, and cry, and cheer over every pound they shed!

I promise people, it's worth all the hard.  It may seem overwhelming.  It may seem like your mountain is too high.  I know.  I really truly almost gave up.  But something inside my head clicked.  Something made me realize that I had more to live for.  I didn't want to finish my life as the fat girl that was always left behind!  I didn't want to hold my kids or family back.  So I started moving forward.  And before long, 1 pound became 2.  2 pounds became 5.  5 became 15.  15 became 30.  And now I'm almost at 70!  They all add up.  And they will add up for you to!

So get on it!  Stop reading, right now!  If you have time to read blogs, if you have time to be on Facebook, if you have time to watch TV, if you have time to be on Pinterest...YOU HAVE TIME TO MOVE FORWARD TODAY!

Nuts and Bolts

So I received a LOT of questions regarding what I have been doing to get the results I've seen.

Let me try and sum it up.

But.  Before I do.  Let me say that sadly, every person is different and every body reacts differently.  There is no magic weight loss solution for everyone.  Except this:  burn more than you eat.

With that being said.  Some weeks my body held onto weight a LOT more than others.  Some weeks I lost insane amounts of weight.  It varies.  A lot.  And that's the crapy side of things for someone who is a planner.  I can never expect with the scale, I have to accept instead.  Get it?

So what has been working for me, you ask?

• I drink.  I have a problem because I drink SO MUCH!  Water, that is.  In fact, I don't drink anything but water!  Usually I'm getting closer to 120 oz a day, but I'm always above 100!
• I track!  I usually track like a mofo.  I'm a little more relaxed about it on the weekends...but peeps, just because I don't track what I ate in MFP (myfitnesspal) doesn't mean I'm going bizerk and eating everything in sight.  It usually means that I'm swamped with 12 hour clinicals, planning my meals, and finding time to see my husband and kids all together at the same time so actually logging into my app and finding the foods I ate becomes my last priority.  I still make good choices!  I still plan ALL my meals.  Did you read that?  I plan ALL MY MEALS AHEAD OF TIME!
• The food I eat is USUALLY a good choice.  Sure, there have been moments of weakness.  Who doesn't have them?!  When my mother-in-law sends down See's Candies for the "kids", I realize how little control I have at points.  (Don't worry, Brenda...I only shared a couple with them.)  Typically I try to stick staying away from the delicious  bad carbs.  (You know, the breads, the pastas, the donuts, the pastries.)  I try to stop eating fruit by lunch.  And I smack a full days worth of veggies into my morning breakfast!  (I'll post a sample of my "typical" meals later this week...)  
• I am very conscious about WHEN I eat my food!  I realize that my body needs more energy in the day when I'm busy running to and fro.  That means my breakfast and lunch are a LOT more filling than my dinners.  Dinner is by far (usually) my lightest meal.  Think about it...you eat dinner and are planning to go to bed a few short hours later.  (And by planning, I mean HOPING!)
• I say no ONCE at the store rather than having to BATTLE the crap food at home!  Seriously, make that your mantra!  I'm strong enough to walk by those tempting treats once, but when I bring them home and KNOW they are in my cupboard minute after minute...I AM NOT THAT STRONG!  There will always be a fat girl inside me, trying to get her nasty grip on me again!
• ELIMINATE EATING OUT!  This is the FASTEST way to drop pounds quick!  You have NO IDEA how many hidden calories there are in eating out!  For instance:  I used to LOVE going to Taco Bell.  I didn't think I was ordering THAT much.  My order:  1 bean and cheese burrito, 1 chicken quesedilla, 1 fiesta taco salad.  TOTAL CALORIES.....1,670!!!  You guys!  That is more calories than I should be eating in a day and I was eating it in a freaking meal!!!  Hello!  Even going out to restaurants and "trying to be good" is SOOOO hard.  Can it be done?  Geez, maybe for some...but not for me!  It is difficult to get a meal under 1,000 calories ANYTIME you eat out!  GROSS!

I am a FULL BELIEVER that weight loss has EVERYTHING to do with what you put in your mouth and when!  (Now don't be sending me nasty emails, I know working out is important too...I'm getting to that!)  If you are stalled and doing "everything you can" to eat right...re-evaluate.  Are you taking licks or nibbles of your kids food?  Do you lick the knife after you make your kids a PB sandwich?  I promise, those add up!  

If you are starting fresh and you say, "Alisha, this is all so overwhelming....UGH!"  START WITH YOUR INTAKE!  Be meticulous about portioning out servings.  I use my measuring cups and spoons and my food scale ALL THE TIME!  I know exactly how much of everything I'm putting in my mouth!  Start with your food, TRACK, TRACK, TRACK, TRACK!  You think you can be successful with out tracking?  That might be true for like 0.01% of people.  You need to hold yourself accountable!  It is TOO EASY to sneak a bite here and a taste there and forget.  THEY ADD UP LIKE CRAZY!

So those are my eating tips.  I HAVE been busting my rear end and doing heart-pumping exercises to go along with my eating changes.  I will highlight those tomorrow...(my pathetic attempt to lure you back)  

Hit me up if any of this doesn't make sense and I can go into it a little more!  Or hit me up if you just wanna ask how's the weather in good old St. George, Utah.  :)  

Start today.  Seriously.  There are quite a few people out there reading my blog these days.  (Caught ya!  My stats told me so...)  So to you, EVERY ONE OF YOU!  Start today.  Decide that YOU are important enough to get healthy for!  There are far too many health issues out there caused merely by fatness.  I know, I was at HIGH risk for many of them!  Your bodies aren't meant to carry around extra weightage (yes, I like to make up words.  Sue me.).  You can do this!  Even if you've tried a MILLION times.  Try again!  You are worth trying again and again and again until you get there!  I believe in you, even if you don't...so use my belief until you find yours!  

One month

What have you been doing in the last month? Me? Here, I'll show you:

The far left was taken Aug 15th then the far right taken today...Sept 11th.

If pictures don't tell a story, what does?

These pictures (and my upcoming trip to Hawaii) have really motivated me to lose these last 20 pounds!

I'm calling it #20bythanksgiving!

That's 2 pounds per week people! Who's with me!?

Wouldn't you be excited to see a number 20 less on the scale before the holiday season is in full force? I know I would!

So join me! Commit to consistency a week at a time and you can be in the "I'm so glad I did" club rather than the "I wish I would have" club!!

Seriously, what's stopping you??

#20byThanksgiving!!

Sure you might have to push yourself, sure it might be hard.  But I promise, you won't regret doing it.

Countdown

The countdown has begun.

I've posted before about my crazy home-life schedule.

You know the one:  hubby who works out of town Mon-Thur night most weeks, I have nursing school (and all day weekend clinicals).  (In case you didn't realize, that leaves me with Sunday's to spend with my guy...)  Add to that 3 kids who need a chauffeur to/from school, piano, who need help with homework nightly, who need to be fed EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.  Plus 2 dogs.  You can imagine the housework that gets piled up, the laundry that overflows, and the hair on the floor that I pull out myself!

Yes, the countdown to May is on.

I graduate May 2013!!!

That alone is worth a countdown because FINALLY at that point our family can return to "normal."  We will begin to remember what it's like to see each other every single day.  Weird.

But alas.  That is not the countdown I am referring to.  (Despite how incredibly delicious it sounds!)

I'm referring to the Hawaiian countdown!

Our room has been reserved HERE for quite some time!

And just yesterday we sealed the deal even more!  Airfare = purchased!

May 25, 2013 we will be flying to Hawaii as a family without a care in the world!  We will be celebrating 2 years of pure hell living apart for 70% of that time.  We will also be celebrating my graduating nursing school.  AND, if that wasn't enough to celebrate...my 10th wedding anniversary ALSO falls at that time!  (Can you sense the party we will be having!!?!)

I know, some of you are saying 'why, oh why would you take your kids?'  I contemplated making this a couple thing...a reconnect with my husband after 2 years thing.  But I couldn't do it.  The kids have endured just as much as Jason and I!  So we are all going to celebrate together!

Now, you may be thinking.  Cool beans.  Brag away Alisha.  Why would you post that crap here...to make me jealous?

Yes.  I strive to make everyone jealous.  (insert sarcasm.)

Seriously, the reason I post it here is because on top of all the other celebrating happening on that trip, I also want to celebrate my health!  It is a major push for me to finish losing these last 20 lbs to get myself ready for Hawaii.

No.  I don't know what my body will look like when this journey is complete.  But yes, I will be damn proud of it.  In 20 pounds I will be at the 90 pounds lost mark.  And I'm not stupid.  I know my body won't look like it did in high school.  I know that my stretch tiger marks will always be there.  But I will be proud of the progress I made.  Because it's taken a lot to get me here.  And I still have to bust my butt to get those last 20 off!  In the past I've been embarrassed to go swimming with my kids.  In fact, I've pretty much avoided it at all costs usually.  That is the old me!  I am vowing to be proud of the work I've put in.  I am vowing to PROUDLY wear my swimming suit with no embarrassment, no fear, and no shame!  Sure there will be others who look a lot better than me, but WHO CARES!  I'm gonna celebrate in May some MAJOR milestones in my life and I'm not gonna let anyone take it away from me!

Widgets

Like my new widgets?  I do!  :)

I found a fun site, dailymile.com that lets me track my training AND the widgets automatically update on my blog.  I input my running from August (but was too lazy to keep transferring it back from July and June).  Now I can be more accountable in my runs each week.

Today was my weigh in for one of my competitions.  I was down!  yay!

Today's weight:  165.6

I'm hoping by my other weigh in on Thursday I lose a few more.  :)  There are some heavy players in my Thursday competition and I want to keep up with them!

On a happy note...I am 5.7 pounds away from being at a HEALTHY WEIGHT!

I haven't been in the 150's (except for a TINY BLIP in October last year) since right after high school 12 years ago.

BIG MILESTONE!!!!!

Let Monday begin, I'm ready to face this week running!  (In fact, my run was already done today and I felt amazing!)

Show this week who's boss...you have the power to overcome your weaknesses!

New Competition

So I'm starting a second weight loss competition today.  That means I have a weekly weigh in on Mondays and another weekly weigh in on Thursdays.

Here's where I get a little frustrated.

Monday my weigh in was 168.0.  On the dot.

Fast forward to Thursday.  I'm up to 170.0

Really?  Can that time of the month affect my weight THAT MUCH?!  Because really, I've been pretty dang good!  Last night I ended up having a second enchilada (homemade) because I was really hungry after being out at school all day.  But I packed all my food, I haven't eaten out at all!  I even passed on cookies and treats.  I've even been consistently working out all week!

Sigh.

I hate blaming a gain on my womanly issues, but I don't know what else it is!

(Although I am weighing in a few different times each week, I will only be changing my information on the ticker and in the sidebar on Mondays.)

Test update.

Just a quick update for all of you.  (Since I KNOW you were on pins and needles...)

I passed the test, and passed with a lot of room to spare thankfully!

And now, I'm sooooooooo glad I didn't give in to those silly food cravings I was tempted by last night! You too, can be stronger than the urge food give you!

DO HARD THINGS!  You'll be so proud of yourself when you do!

A side dish of anxiety anyone?

The kids are in bed.  Thankfully.  Don't get me wrong, I have FANTASTIC children!  My girls help me out so much that I don't know how I'd survive without them.  But on nights like tonight...you know, nights before TOMORROW my stress levels are THROUGH THE ROOF!  

Luckily, I kept it together for the kids.  I did have to give them the "hey guys, Mom is really ubberly stressed out today because I have a really important test in the morning that I'm super scared about and I really don't want to yell at you guys for not listening, okay?" speech a few different times.  But each time, they were so understanding and calmed right down.  They even went to bed like ANGELS tonight!!

So that brings me to this moment.  The moment when the house is quiet.  (Well.  Almost quiet if it weren't for the damn dog.)

I'm stressing.  A lot.  I should be going over my notes for the billionth time.  I know where the bags of chocolate are that my kids brought home from the M&M factory in Las Vegas while on vacation with their grandparents this weekend.

And here I sit.  Wanting to self-sabotage SO BADLY!  How silly is that?  Thinking FOOD will solve my problems and worries?  Hello!!!  Look where that has taken me in the past...up to 233 POUNDS!  Ewww.

So I sit upstairs, with my lap top.  Studying Blogging.  And deciding that I am too much of a chicken to go downstairs after the chocolate because:

A.  I might see a mouse.

(Okay.  So I haven't seen a mouse in over a year.  The last one we saw, we killed.  But really.  I live in the desert.  In a field.  Where there is a LOT of new houses being built.  So I can only imagine how many mice have been evicted and are looking for a new place to call home.)

And B.  I might see a mouse.

(Was my explanation above not clear?  Maybe I also forgot to mention that IF I see a mouse....I have to take care of it!  ME.  Such is the joy of a husband that works out of town all the frickin time Monday-Thursday night.  Okay, maybe not all the time, but it feels like it sometimes!)

So I guess I can thank my giant fear of mice for my decision to NOT self-sabotage tonight.

Now here's hoping the studying I do the rest of the night will be beneficial, reduce my stress, and will not include FaceBook or surfing Pinterest.

Oh, and a passing grade tomorrow would be great...thanks!  :)

Day to day

I've learned I have to face each day as it comes.  You see, as great as yesterday ended...because, it did end great when I saw this:

Today has started off on an entirely different foot.  A foot I hate, a foot that makes me want to stay in bed all day doing right close to nothing.

So I'm taking today a step at a time.

And I'm lacing up my shoes and I'm going to hit my treadmill hard!

Back on track

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that when you eat out, and add very little exercise, the scale moves up.  GAH!

Well, I put an end to that movement FAST!  I busted my rear end to get back to 168.0 on the scale this morning!  I know my TOM is coming up and my goal is to curb ALL emotional eating and continue with my exercise plan.

I have a plan, you know!

I've formulated my training schedule for the 1/2 Marathon I am running in January.  I'm following the same app I have been and bumped back to week 7 of the 10K runner app.  Once I get through the 10K portion (7 more weeks), it will take me into the 21K runner so I can finish that 13.1 miles!

(Yes, 21K=13.1 miles)

I've even recruited some running friends to sign up for the race!  (Now, I'm accountable!)  Anyone can sign up, the more the merrier!  :)  Mark your calendars:  January 19, 2013.  (A little more than 4 months...EVERYONE has time to train!)

So yes, I have a plan set and I'm going to be the best student and follow it to a "T".

Today I already got my 20 min run in.  Tonight is Zumba, and I'm going to try and squeeze in a little 30DS.  (But if I don't have time in between all the yard weeding, house work, and studying for my massive test...I won't be upset.)

September...watch out!  I'm gunnin for those 50's!  I know I posted about my September goals.  Well, I might have already altered one of them!  You see, September 29th we are having a lot of family come down for a special event in my oldest daughters life.  I recognize I won't be stepping on the scale for all of them...but I'll know where I'm at.  And I want to be at 159.9 or less by that date.  That's going to take a LOT of focus!  A LOT of nearly perfect eating!  And a LOT of encouragement to stay accountable all throughout this month.

Here goes nothing...

September Morn

Can you believe it is September?  ya.  Me either.

My goals for this month are simple:

• Get back on track with running a minimum of 3 times per week!
• Add back in Zumba from home and 30 DS

I figure, if I can add in that much exercise again I should witness the scale moving.  I'm not aiming for anything absurd...I'd like to lose 9 pounds in September.  Or rather, I'd like to see at least 159.9 by October 1st.  

Seems doable and exciting to me!  :)  Now to put my plan into action.  Going to make a workout calendar today to hold myself accountable.

Remember the definition of insanity.  (Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.)  Well, I'm changing it up to hopefully get an awesome outcome!  Are you?

Epic fail.

I gave in to hunger last night.
I gave in to Cafe Rio hunger last night.

I am paying for it today!!!!!
(both on the scale, and in the bathroom.)

I'm mad at myself because I have been so good and yesterday I just over did it. It's just another example of how I have so much more to accomplish and learn. I want to be able to eat out occasionally, but not gorge myself when I do.

I guess I still can't trust this fat girl inside of me. You know, the one who wanted to eat an entire pork salad AND a key lime pie. (and maybe even had a few pork barbacoa nachos.)

Yes. Epic fail described my night perfectly!

Today is a new day, and I'm putting yesterday where it belongs...in the past! Time to refocus and do what I know I need to do.