Pictures.

So I went on a picture scavenger hunt.

Pictures of me at my biggest.

Why, you might ask?

Because I NEVER want to forget!

Before I get to the pictures...I have to note that it was actually kind of difficult to find pictures of me.  First, I'm ALWAYS the one taking the pictures.  Always!  So that means I am never in them.  The reason for this is because I didn't want to be in pictures!  I avoided them like the plague.  When you don't feel attractive, the last thing you want is to have a picture so you can forever remember how icky you feel you look.  

Get my drift?

But, I managed to pull up a few doozies.

 (August 2009)

Never, ever, ever do I want to forget what THAT size felt like!  Looking at the pictures make me want to cry.  It brings back so many emotions.  I was so uncomfortable.  I was so self-conscious!  I felt horrible.  

I want to always remember what it felt like then because I never want to go back!

This picture was taken during a weekend getaway with my hubby to a Garth Brooks concert in Vegas.  

(January 2010)

(Look how hot my guy is...sorry, he's mine!)  :)

This picture was taken in July 2009 with my girls and mother-in-law.

Can you see how unhappy I am?  (I'm on the left in case I'm so big you couldn't tell...)

These were our last family pictures (and my first "couple pictures" since my wedding) taken by the best photographer I know!

October 2009

(Sad that my only pictures with just me and my hubby I looked so...well, you know....big.)

This last picture is the one that gets to me the most!

I remember that day so clearly!  August 2009.  We had just bought a new camera.  Jason was playing around with the features on it.  I was playing Wii bowling with my girls.  Nothing out of the ordinary, right?  Well...earlier that day, as I was getting dressed I had nothing to wear.  Literally, nothing in my closet fit me!  Not even my fat pants.  I sat in my closet crying.  Then, I did what no person ever wants to have to do.  I dug my maternity clothes out and wore them.  That's all I had that fit because I was that big.  I felt stupid.  I felt ugly.  That day I felt horrible!

So,  fast forward to a new time in my life.  I may not be at my goal weight.  And my body definitely isn't how I'd like it to be.

But, regardless...this is me.  TODAY.

169.0 pounds

And the good news....

I am finally at the point I WANT to be in pictures with my kids again!

(I just need to remember to take more!)

So to you, Alisha of today.  Remember how good it feels TODAY.  And never forget how awful it felt before.  Please, I'm begging you....don't ever let yourself go back!  You will regret it.  I promise you will.  Keep moving forward, even if it takes another 5 years to get to your "goal size."  Just keep moving forward...