Change.

No change > Bad Change.

At least that's what I keep telling myself since the scale didn't move this week.  But, I have my plan set for this next week.  I am going to be powerful.  I am going to make a difference.  I am going to make that scale budge!

Did I mention I'm almost at my 2nd 10% for WW?  That's what I'm running toward.  That, and the 160 mark.  Because at 160, I will no longer be "overweight."  Crazy to think I've gone from morbidly obese...and now I'm just a few pounds away from "healthy."

Run

Tonight I didn't want to go running.  I started thinking of all the reasons I didn't want to run.  It started exhausting me.  I decided it would be less exhausting to go out for my run than to make up a believable and acceptable excuse.

So, I ran.

Pictures.

So I went on a picture scavenger hunt.

Pictures of me at my biggest.

Why, you might ask?

Because I NEVER want to forget!

Before I get to the pictures...I have to note that it was actually kind of difficult to find pictures of me.  First, I'm ALWAYS the one taking the pictures.  Always!  So that means I am never in them.  The reason for this is because I didn't want to be in pictures!  I avoided them like the plague.  When you don't feel attractive, the last thing you want is to have a picture so you can forever remember how icky you feel you look.  

Get my drift?

But, I managed to pull up a few doozies.

 (August 2009)

Never, ever, ever do I want to forget what THAT size felt like!  Looking at the pictures make me want to cry.  It brings back so many emotions.  I was so uncomfortable.  I was so self-conscious!  I felt horrible.  

I want to always remember what it felt like then because I never want to go back!

This picture was taken during a weekend getaway with my hubby to a Garth Brooks concert in Vegas.  

(January 2010)

(Look how hot my guy is...sorry, he's mine!)  :)

This picture was taken in July 2009 with my girls and mother-in-law.

Can you see how unhappy I am?  (I'm on the left in case I'm so big you couldn't tell...)

These were our last family pictures (and my first "couple pictures" since my wedding) taken by the best photographer I know!

October 2009

(Sad that my only pictures with just me and my hubby I looked so...well, you know....big.)

This last picture is the one that gets to me the most!

I remember that day so clearly!  August 2009.  We had just bought a new camera.  Jason was playing around with the features on it.  I was playing Wii bowling with my girls.  Nothing out of the ordinary, right?  Well...earlier that day, as I was getting dressed I had nothing to wear.  Literally, nothing in my closet fit me!  Not even my fat pants.  I sat in my closet crying.  Then, I did what no person ever wants to have to do.  I dug my maternity clothes out and wore them.  That's all I had that fit because I was that big.  I felt stupid.  I felt ugly.  That day I felt horrible!

So,  fast forward to a new time in my life.  I may not be at my goal weight.  And my body definitely isn't how I'd like it to be.

But, regardless...this is me.  TODAY.

169.0 pounds

And the good news....

I am finally at the point I WANT to be in pictures with my kids again!

(I just need to remember to take more!)

So to you, Alisha of today.  Remember how good it feels TODAY.  And never forget how awful it felt before.  Please, I'm begging you....don't ever let yourself go back!  You will regret it.  I promise you will.  Keep moving forward, even if it takes another 5 years to get to your "goal size."  Just keep moving forward...

PHEW.

It was a great day today at WW!  Remember that 4.2 I GAINED last week?

Well, I almost lost all of it this week....I'm talking -4.0 POUNDS!

How, you ask?

It's a secret.  But since we are friends, I will let you in on it.  But you have to promise, PROMISE, to try it!  And you have to promise to tell EVERYONE you know...

Exercise!  (3 times this week!)  Tracking points (or counting calories if you aren't doing WW)!  Lots of water!

Try it, I bet you have an awesome week too...

So here's the exact exercise I did:
Thursday:  ran 4.5 miles
Sunday:  ran 1.2 miles
Wednesday:  ran 2.1 miles

I stayed within my points each day.  And all that equaled a -4.0 this week!

If that's not motivating for this next week, I don't know what is.....

Getting better

I think last weeks weigh in scared me straight.  I have been focused this week!  Tracking, counting points, eating all my fruits and veggies, EXERCISING!

Yes, my friends, this week I have been re-motivated....re-focused!  The scale should be thanking me by Thursday....

Skiing

Since I have a moment tonight (which is rare, I might add...) I thought I would share with you the back story on why skiing was so important to me!

For year, YEARS people, I have loved water skiing!  Solemn skiing to be exact.  And every year I would look forward to the Lake Powell trip to better my skills on the water.  That is, until a few years back.  (When I put on a chunk of weight!)

You see, I never realized how much weight effected being pulled out of the water.  Before, I would literally just pop out.  Like immediately, right when I said "hit it."  But adding 90 pounds seems to change things a bit.  (Who would have thunk it?)  I sure didn't clue in.  I mean I had an idea that it might be easier if I weighed less.  But those years when I struggled and struggled to get up...I really didn't realize how much it was my weight.  You see, my hands are not the strongest.  I have some carpal tunnel issues so I figured as the years passed that my hands were just getting weaker.  (Yes, I now realize I was just sugar coating things and making excuses for myself.)

Well this year, I went to Powell a significant amount smaller.  Yet, I was still hesitant behind the boat.  I just prayed and prayed that I would have the strength to hold on.

I was beyond words when on my very first try I was pulled right out of the water!  It felt good.  SO good!

Oh Boy

Man.  This is the longest I've gone without updating.

(That's never a good sign!)

We went to Powell and had a fabulous time!!  I even skied!

More on my skiing milestone...later.

We came home and my weight was about the same.  Then came my ridiculously crazy, busy week full of studying for my first big test in the nursing program.  So busy in fact, I forgot to go weigh in at WW last week.  Honestly, it just skipped my brain.

This also meant no exercising.  NONE!  This meant eating on the go.  LOTS!  This meant late night snacking.  TOO MUCH!

All this equals a big gain. So big in fact that I did NOT want to go weigh in today.  Remember how I said I hadn't gained weight any week "officially" since I started WW?  Well, that's not true anymore.  I was up a whopping 4.2 pounds.  Gross, huh?

So that's the bad news.  Here's the good:  being accountable and going in anyways made me refocus.  I have my tracker out and in use!  I have my eyes open so I am much more aware of what I'm snacking on. AND, my husband is home for the next few days and I made him promise me he would kick me out the door at nights to go for a run!  (I haven't ran in I don't know how long....)

Here's hoping I can turn myself around QUICK and get back on track!

Officially Awesome

I weighed in this morning at WW.

A-mazing!

I am now officially in the 60's and it feels so dang good!  169.0!  MAN, it feels good to be in a new set of "10's"...real good!  It's hard to believe that I'm only 9 little pounds away from being "healthy."

In another few pounds I will be at my 2nd 10% lost for WW since starting in May of this year.

I am so happy I broke into the 60's right before Lake Powell...remember, I'm going boating...I'll be in a swimming suit for 2 days straight...ugh.  Even with all the weight I've lost, I'm still not all that confident about my new body.  It's not what it used to be, even when I was at this weight years ago.  I guess that's what 3 kids and a decade will do to a girl!  Hopefully I can "fake" my confidence and enjoy myself, I've worked hard to lose this weight.

I promise, pictures are coming...you'll love it!  But for now, I'm trying to pack for camping at Lake Powell, trying to finish ridiculous amounts of homework, and trying to get my house spick and span...

So sorry if the pictures aren't up until next week...