Dear Alisha,
Right now you have been going through a lot of changes. Emotionally, physically, etc. I wanted to write you a letter though to remind yourself of where you came from. You see, if you don't remember your past...you are more likely to repeat it.
For almost a decade now you have struggled with your weight. More specifically, with not caring about yourself. You have let yourself become an emotional eater. You eat when you're happy, you eat when you're sad, you eat when you're lonely, you eat when you're bored. Because you haven't cared about you, you have lost yourself.
This journey that you have been taking is about so much more than weight. It's about finding true confidence in yourself. It's about finding a way to love yourself again. You've made steps toward that in the past, but have never really gotten to the point where you feel good about you. Because of that, you have been very insecure about people caring for you. You have been very insecure about being "enough" for those in your life.
You have always been a people pleaser. But now, you are staring to see the importance of taking care of yourself FIRST!
I want you to always remember what it felt like to be that awkward, uncomfortable 233 pounds! I want you to remember the embarrassment you had. I want you to remember how horrible it felt to go clothes shopping and have nothing fit! I want you to remember the times when you stood in your closet looking at all your clothes and realizing you had nothing that made you feel beautiful to wear! I want you to remember what it felt like to have to wear maternity pants before you ever got pregnant with Connor, just because you didn't fit into any of your other pants. I want you to remember what it was like to avoid the mirrors in your home. Or even worse, what it was like to avoid being in pictures with your loved ones because you were so ashamed of what you had let yourself become. I want you to remember how bad it hurt when your kids told you that you had a big tummy or a big butt. (Not because they were trying to be rude, just because they are kids...and kids are honest!) I want you to remember how much you depended on sweatshirts, you tried to hide in them every chance you would get! (Even in the hot summers of St. George when it was 110+ degrees!) I want you to remember feeling worthless and alone.
That might sound cruel for me to point out all these moments. But in order for you to appreciate this momentous journey, you have to remember where you came from!
I also want you to remember how incredible it feels to step on the scale at meeting and be down EVERY SINGLE WEEK! I want you to remember how good it feels to exercise, and how much energy it gives you. I want you to remember how the good foods you've started eating help to make your insides feel better...less icky. I want you to remember how it feels to look back at an old picture of "Fat Alisha" and be able to actually see the difference...SEE the hard work paying off! I want you to remember how it feels to be so used to wearing the same pants, until you finally realize you need to try and move down a size because they are falling off your body. Only, instead of going down one size...you go down TWO sizes because you've lost more weight and inches than you realize! And mostly, I want you to remember that along this journey, you are finding you again! It doesn't happen over night. But slowly, you are starting to love yourself again. Keep striving for that and never, NEVER let yourself go back!
