Choose to be conscious

Sometimes I think about blogging, and then I don't know what to say.
Sometimes I think about blogging, and then I just get busy.
Today, I thought about blogging, and knew I needed to do it.

I've been working hard to get my eating in order.  I went an entire week without grains.  During that week I dropped 6 pounds.  SIX!

I couldn't believe it!

Then.  I got munchy.  And lazy.

So now, today I am focused again.
The Mr. and I made a deal.
In December, he always has a sales conference.  For the last few years they have always gone to Marco Island, Florida.  I went with him once and it was beautiful and relaxing.  I wanted to join him on other trips there, but logistics have never worked out.  This year is different.

We both agreed that Marco Island was worth working for.  (Along with other big events happening.)  So we made an agreement.  If we BOTH had lost a pre-determined amount of weight by September, I would book a ticket and join him.

We are doing this today, we are doing this together.  We have 15 weeks until my brother's wedding and that is the date we will hopefully book my flight to Marco Island.

We set our goal high, figuring we needed to average a loss of 3 lbs a week.  That is 45 pounds by the beginning of September.

It won't be easy.  Not even a little bit.
It's going to take focus.
And desire.
But I know we can do it.

We weighed in yesterday:
Alisha:  204.9
Jason:  278.1

By September 6th, we need to be at:
Alisha: 159.9
Jason: 233.1
(When I look at that number it seems like a mountain I can't climb.  It seems far.  Undoable.)

So instead, I'm focusing on just this week!
Alisha:  201.9
Jason: 275.1

One ounce at a time.  One week at a time.  One day at a time.  One decision at at time!
Choose to be conscious this week, choose to be focused!

Where are you going to be a week from now?  What choices are you making today to ensure your success???

Making Monday Count!

It's been 2 weeks since I last ran.
Actually, it's been 2 weeks and 2 days.

This is the longest I've gone without running in 3 months!
It's killing me.

Last night I went out for a walk.
My hip was sore to start, but eased up.
It gave me hope.
Today I'm going to try an easy run.
::gulp::

If I continue following the marathon training schedule I had planned, this week I have 2 30 min runs and then a 4-5 miler on Saturday.  (Depending on how I feel.)

Here's hoping I can get back in the swing of things easily.

In other news...I made a big change last Tuesday.
BIG.

I decided to eliminate grains from my diet.
My intake hasn't been perfect.
But, I've avoided grains, increased my veggies, and eliminated ice cream.
The results have been amazing!
Like ridiculous, jump-start amazing!
(I'll blog more about it, check back...)

Make your Monday count!  Do something to be proud of!

Time to work

This last week was rough.
My heart has wanted to run, but my body has said no.
My hip is feeling a LOT better.
I am able to walk upstairs without crying.
But I still can't walk completely without pain.
My physical therapist told me to hold of on a run until I could walk without pain.
So, I wait.
He said it could take as long as 3 weeks.  UGH!
(I'm hoping I can try it by this Saturday!)

In other news...
Things just got pretty serious around here.
Like I have a deadline to lose this weight.
2 marathons and a fall wedding, deadline.

Yep, you read that right!

Yesterday I found out I got in to the St. George Marathon!

I am SO excited.  This race was the one that really changed my life.  Now, I get to run it again...healthier, and happier!

This means I will be on a detailed schedule for training, including using weights to cross train so I can stay injury free.  This also means I need to be careful what I fuel my body with so I can make both of these races happen.

I am so excited, not only did I get in to the St. George Marathon, but so did my amazing friend Windee.  We will be meeting in St. George to do 26.2 crazy miles.

Some moments I'm excited.  Then others, I get a sick feeling in my stomach thinking about how far 26.2 miles is!  It's in those moments that I'm worried that I make myself remember that finish line.  There has been NOTHING that compares to the feeling of accomplishment that I had in St. George Utah in 2007.  Nothing.  Crossing that line, seeing my family all there to support me was one of the proudest moments of my life.  Now, I get to do it again.

I found this video yesterday, and it instantly filled me with all those emotions again!
(I plan to watch this video a LOT over the next few months...)

Diagnosis

I knew something was wrong Saturday after the half marathon.
My hip hurt.  Like bad!
It wasn't just the dull ache, it full on was a sharp annoyance.
And going up stairs...impossible to do without tears, or yelps of pain.

I did the logical thing.
Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation.

I took ibuprofen around the clock.

Come Monday, I was walking a little better...but not much.
I opted to head in for a 90 min massage to work out my IT band, hoping that would help.
It didn't.
At least not a lot.

Yesterday I finally bit the bullet and went into a physical therapist.
He's confident I have an acute bursitis in my hip.
They did an electro-stimulation, put some heat on it, and taped it up.

I'm set to go back in on Monday too.

I'm pretty discouraged.
I planned to make this my best running month yet, but that is out the window.
He told me he thinks I'll be healed within a week or 2, once the inflammation goes down.
But until then, I'm only supposed to walk.
And even if I walk, it can only be if there is zero pain.

Well.  Right now, I never have zero pain.  So walking is out too.
Each day I stretch it, and each day it seems to feel a little better than the last.

Here's hoping the pain goes away completely so I can get ready for my next half!

Eyes Wide Open

I don't even know what to say.
Or how to start this post.
So bare with me, I'm just going to write.

Have you ever had one of those moments where reality slapped you across the face?
Hard.

It just happened.
Tonight.

And now, I'm sitting on my bed (in my PJs), alone, trying to wade through the feelings.
Shock, denial.  Pity.  Embarrassment.  More denial.  Confusion.  More embarrassment.

I know we are our own worst critics.
I get that.
But a picture is worth a 1000 words.
And this one (or these ones) were bad.

Like I can't even bring myself to post them, so bad.

I'm not going to lie.  I've avoided mirrors for a while.
Other than my itty, bitty compact mirror that I use to see my face close up when doing my make up.
I wear a lot of hats, or messy buns, or pony tails.

I have successfully avoided myself going on the last 9 months (since I had Madison).

And then tonight happened.

I saw a picture of what I look like in this moment, at this weight.
And I cried.

That's not me.
That's not what I picture myself looking like.
That's not who I was a year and a half ago.
Who is this person?
How do I get me back?

You may be reading this and thinking, 'geez...it's all about the weight', right?
Well you'd be wrong.

I saw more than the extra 50 pounds I've packed on in the pregnancy (and since kept on).
I saw a sadness in my eyes in a moment I thought I was happy.
I see frustration.
Frustration that I keep quitting on myself.  That I keep giving myself "outs."

Enough!
No more outs.
No more valid excuses.
It has to change.
Because if you don't make a change, you are just going to continue getting the same results.

Tonight my head changes.
I'm not giving up on this journey to find me.
I know I'm in there.
I know I'm worth fighting for.

Now comes the scary part...
doing it.

Lessons

I've talked before about my love for race bling!
It's safe to say, I run for it.
Each race, I get so excited to have a new blingy medal.
Saturday was no different!

Most of the time, I let the medal be a surprise.
I don't try to see it ahead of time because I like having my first look at the finish line.

Well Saturday, I got the best medal ever.
And it was NOT from the Provo City Half.
Sure, that medal was nice.
But it doesn't compare to the one I'm referring to.

In fact, no medal I have received compares to it.
I've had a few come close.

For instance, this one is my first race ever and the marathon of my life!

I went physically and mentally where I never thought it was possible.  I turned a leaf in my life that day, I chose to live again.
I will always treasure that medal!

Then there is this medal.

It is from the Hibiscus Half in Hawaii.
You know, the race I was SO EXCITED to run during our family trip in May 2013.
Only, then I had a surprise pregnancy with Madison.
And I couldn't risk running a half so far away from my doctor at that point in my pregnancy.
So this medal came from my amazing Mom!
She continued training for the race, even knowing I couldn't do it with her.
Then at the finish line...after a GRUELING race, she told me she ran the race for me.

Seriously!  That is my mom, folks!  She trained and trained, dealt with yucky humidity that she wasn't used to running in, and never quit just so she could give me the medal I so badly wanted.

I will treasure that medal forever, knowing the sacrifice she made for me!

While these 2 medals are some of my most prized possessions, the medal I received Saturday trumps them.

I came home from my half to be given this.

There are many days I have terrible self talk.
There are many days I think I'm not enough.
There are many days I wish I was stronger, faster, thinner, happier, craftier, a better mom, a better wife, a better friend.

But what this showed me was that in my daughters eyes, I am enough.

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be 

In my daughter's eyes

"In My Daughter's Eyes"

Sung by Martina McBride

Provo City Half Marathon

2 half marathons within a week of each other?  It was done!

During last week, I had a sick little boy.  Like fevers every day since Monday night.  

By Friday, I was tired.  And ready for my Bubba to stop with the sickness!

Little did I know, he was blessing me with the lovely fever!

Friday, I originally planned to be at the expo right when it opened.  

I don't know why, but I always LOVE picking up my race packets!!

But because our day was crazy busy, I had to rearrange things to get there.

The race bib always gets me so excited...

Friday night, I knew I was in trouble.  

I started feeling the body aches.  When I took my temperature, I saw this:

I know I've joked before about thinking about sleeping in.  But I can honestly tell you, I was ready to just bag this race!  I ended up going to bed EARLY.  (I never get to bed early the night before a race!)  By 3:30am, I woke up (without an alarm) and was ready to start getting ready.

I still wasn't feeling 100%, but I was ready to give this race a go!

So there I was, awake at a time no sane person should be, feeding Madison, getting dressed, making breakfast....getting ready to head out the door.  Early mornings are probably what I hate most about running races because I am NOT a morning person!!

By 4:30, I was out the door, ready to pick up my neighbor and head to the race!

By the time we caught our bus and headed up the mountain, I was feeling crummy.  I popped some Ibuprofen and tried to distract myself.

At the top of the canyon we FROZE. 

Yep, I decided I didn't want to deal with bag drops so I took a garbage bag and figured I'd be alright standing by the fires.  No.  I was not alright.  I was freaking cold!  But I got to meet some interesting characters.  All of the big fires were completely surrounded, so we looked over and saw a smaller fire with hardly anyone near it.  As we joined the small group, we learned that we were joining some random campers who hiked up and decided to make their camp at the very spot that hundreds of runners were going to show up at early in the morning.  I'm still a little confused with their story...I use the term "campers" lightly.  These 2 had no tents, no sleeping bags.  They had an ax and a window squeegee.  

Strange.

The fire was small, but we were making it work. 

That is, until some genius tried to get too close and ended up burning his running shoes.  The smell was TERRIBLE.  I came home from the race smelling like his burnt shoes.

Eventually, it was time to line up at the start line.

The sun had finally come up.

Race start time was 7am. 

It was still a little chilly, but I knew once we started I would warm up fast.

As we took off, I was near the 2:20 pacer.

I knew there was NO WAY I'd be finishing with this pacer.  But thought I'd see how long I could keep her in my sight.  I started the race with my neighbor as well, but told her I was sure eventually I'd need to pull back and slow down.  (Which I did.)

However, the first 5-ish miles I kept a close pace with the 2:20's.

I was feeling great, little did I know how great I was actually running.

Mile 1 and 2 were a very good downhill grade.  

I rocked those miles with a 10:20 pace and then a 9:55 pace.  

Seriously, 9:55!!!  I haven't ran that fast in maybe ever!?

Mile 3 I slowed down some.  At this point we were on the trail and I knew I was starting off way to strong if I wanted to have the energy to see 13.1 miles.

The course for the first 6-7 miles was all in the canyon.  I LOVED it.  

I was nervous knowing that the course in the canyon was all on the trail, but I ended up loving it!  Plenty of room to run and not feel bottlenecked.

Honestly, it was probably one of the prettiest runs I've been on!

The temperature was perfect too!

(MUCH better than last weeks race!)

Once we left the canyon, they closed down part of the road along University Avenue.  This was a straight run for the last part of the run.  There was traffic along the side of us, but I felt the city police officers did a great job at regulating turns for the cars in between the runners.  I wasn't stopped at all.  While I thought it was great, the drivers were probably annoyed because traffic was a mess along University.  

Note to Utah residents...especially Utah County residents:  avoid University Ave  during the Provo City Half Marathon, you'll thank me later!

Much of these miles blended in.  I was really just feeling a groove and going with it.  I knew I wasn't as fast as I was in the canyon, but I was okay with it.  

Mile 9 I pulled off to use the restroom.  (At least I think it was 9) 

My stomach felt so heavy all morning.  

Unfortunately, it didn't help.

That was my slowest mile at a 13:00 pace.

After that mile, I knew I was going to set a PR.  I just didn't know how much of one.

I kept looking at my Garmin, trying to calculate how fast I could finish.

My legs were TIRED!

And my hip, OH MY HIP!  

But I didn't want to stop, I tried not to walk.

I felt like I really did the best I could possibly do.  I didn't wimp out and walk just because I was tired of running.  The only times I walked were because I really needed it!

During the last 3 miles, the 5k-ers came zipping by.  

I hated them.

They had fresh legs.  And they only had to go 3.1 total miles.

But as much as I hated them, it was an energy boost I needed!

I downed about 7 energy beans and began trying to pick up my pace.

It was hard.  And I wanted to just walk to the finish.

But I knew I would be so disappointed if I didn't leave EVERYTHING out on the course.

So on I pushed.  And ran.  And pushed.

I remember seeing the finish line and thinking it was a lot closer than it was.  

I kept thinking, "Oh!  There it is, now I can run the rest."

Nope.  Had to walk.

It felt like I could see the end, but that it was never going to end!

As I looked at my watch, I realized my time was far better than I thought it could be.

You see, last week, I BARELY finished in under 3 hours. 

And my best half was a 2:50-something from when I was pregnant with Madison.

So honestly, I wasn't sure what to expect of myself...especially after running a half the week before.

I hoped to set a PR, and I even through out the number 2:45.

But inside, deep where I don't let people in, I thought:  

"What if I saw 2:30...wouldn't that be amazing!?"

As I was coming down those last 1.5 - 2 miles I realized I could do something amazing.

I realized that if I gave it my all, I could maybe finish under 2:35.

As I thought about that, and about how hard I worked out on the course I wanted to cry.

Except I couldn't.  Because I was too excited and tired.

But I spent the last part of my race reflecting on how amazed I am at my body.

You see, I may not be at my goal weight.  And I may not even be where I hoped to be in my journey of losing this baby weight.  I may get really frustrated with the scale.  

But Saturday, I was proud!

I was proud of myself and what my body was able to do.

Never, NEVER did I dream I could finish 2 half marathons within a week of each other.

But I did.

And I finished in 2:33:42.

I was so damn proud.

And amazed.

And shocked.

I realized I am much stronger than I give myself credit for.  

And what a beautiful birthday present that was to myself!

After finishing, I couldn't help but smile.

I knew I was stronger and better than I thought I could be at this moment.

I ended my 31st year on an amazing high, and look forward to my 32nd year being the best yet!

After crossing the finish line, it was such a party. 

I've never been fast enough to be around when the party was happening.  

I soaked it all in!

So many people!  So much fun!

My cute neighbor even waited in line with me for a post-race massage!  

(For an hour an a half!!!!)

(But the massage was so gooooood!)

This race was a big moment for me.  

This race helped me see that I am usually too hard on myself.

I usually don't give myself enough credit.

And I need to be kinder to me.

That is my resolution for my 32nd year.

To allow myself to be proud, even when I'm not where I'd like to be.

Because Saturday blew my mind!  

And I can't wait for another race like this one.

My only criticism about the race:

They needed more liquids at the finish!

They only had dixie cups for us that were half full.

Please, Run13 race directors, next year splurge on the bottles of water.  Or even chocolate milk!

Will I run Provo City Half Marathon again?

DEFINITELY!  

(Race 6 out of 14 is now complete)

Fitness Friday

I canceled my weigh in today.

Honestly, I haven't weighed in since Sunday.  

You see, Saturday I was down around 203ish - 204ish.  Then I endured the rainy, cold half-marathon. Then the scale showed me at 210.

I hate the scale.

I know after races I retain a LOT of water.  And I'm sure that's what it was.  Buuuut.  I couldn't get in my own head.  So I literally packed the scale up for the week.

You see, I have ANOTHER half marathon tomorrow!  So I needed to worry less about the number on the scale, and more about being smart about fueling my body to be strong for Saturday.

So next Friday, Fitness Friday will continue.  But for today, I'm stretching it out and getting ready for the Provo City Half Marathon.

Springing for Steps Results

Guess what?  Today is May 1st!

That means our Springing for Steps is over.  I loved seeing everyone track their miles this last month!  Each of you were so inspiring to me.  You helped push me to do more, achieve more!  Together, we went more than 787 miles!  WOOHOO!!!

THANK YOU!

How about another round??  If you didn't join in last time, join us this time!  More Miles in May starts TODAY!  How many miles are you committing to?  It doesn't matter if you walk, run, skip, or crawl.  A mile is a mile and you can track however you'd like!

I was quite inspired by my friend Kara who had a big NSV (non-scale-victory) this last month by hitting 100 running miles!  Because of her, I'm going big this month and only tracking the miles I run.  (gulp!)  What I love about this is that each month, I've been motivated to try harder and do more!

What can you push yourself to do this month?  We have 31 whole days to accomplish ANYTHING!  Join me and lets see how many miles we can total!  Let's try as a group to go even further this month!