Choices

Isn't it funny how life gives you moments where choices must be made? Let me explain...

Yesterday was an emotional day for me. Like ugly crying, full blown tears, feeling crappy about my postpartum, saggy body. I was being overly critical about my saggy belly, along with other areas. I cried and cried on the bathroom floor about not having anything to wear. And then I cried harder about the suggestion to go shopping for new clothes. (It was a lose, lose day.)

At one point, Jason finally was a bit direct. He told me my expectations 5 and a half weeks after having a csection were unrealistic.

He's right. 

I can't expect to be back into my size 6 skinny jeans after only 5 weeks. 

But yesterday I made the choice to start doing something actively each day to tilt the scale my way. I made the choice to make it a priority.

And just as that choice was made, it was time to make another choice.

We've been running into a few health-related things with Madison.  Without going into all the details...last week there was talk of surgery, there were X-rays, ultrasounds, medications, and weight checks. 

Today was another check-up and the doctor still isn't thrilled at what's happening.  

It was as I was walking out of the hospital that I made the choice.

My size 6 jeans don't matter right now.

Now is not the time for me to be worried about counting calories. (Let me make it clear: there are no worries with my milk supply, I have NOT been cutting calories enough to damage my milk supply.)  

What I am saying is right now, it's more important to me to help my baby than it is to get my body back.

After we've figured out things with Madi, then I will re-evaluate. But for now...what was so important to me yesterday, isn't as important to me today. 

So for today, and for the next week, and for as long as necessary....I will be on a scale hiatus. Because really, what does that number tell me anyway?

It's a measurement, and one I felt I was failing at. And honestly, I'm tired of feeling as if I'm failing.   

That number does not define me. Yet I was giving that number such power! (Power over me, and over my emotions, and over the outcome of my day.)

On the drive home today, I reflected instead on how incredible my body is! It's grown a little person. A little, adorable person, if I do say so myself!

And it continues to provide the nourishment and food for her to grow. It knows exactly what to do! It really amazes me! (And to think I've been so hard on my body lately...)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not respecting the incredible job my body has been doing. 

Each of us have so much happening in life, and the last thing we need is to feel we are failing on the scale.  Life is hard enough. 

Don't become a victim to your scale, you are more than the number it shows you!!

Some Days

Some days you are ready to throw in the towel.
Some days it's just not worth it.
Some days you just want to give up.
Some days it's hard.  Real hard.

Some days have been coming a lot lately.

So instead of living in "some days" I have to find a way to live in today.

Today, I am determined to find the strength to do better...today I'm heading out for a walk.
Today, I'm working to clear my mind of all that is holding me back from my best self.

Today.

Easy

Losing weight is easy, right?
(Yeah, right!)

So I have a confession.  I thought after I delivered that the weight would just fall off me.  You're probably laughing, and shaking your head at my wishful thinking.  But you see, with my other babies the weight literally fell off.

Like, 4 weeks I'd be down 30 lbs.  With no effort.  And I could eat whatever I wanted.

Yesterday was 4 weeks.

I am no where near 30 lbs lost.

I cried.

Then I had to stop.  Step back.  And realize that with my other pregnancies, I had a LOT of extra weight.  This time, not as much.  (I had to tell myself that was part of the reason to make myself feel better.)

Also, I think I've been a tad bit stressed out trying to figure out a routine with all the kids...and the bigger house...and everything else that needs to get done.  (Still working on the routine...)

But I seriously thought this time around, the weight would just fall off like in past.  I even counted on it.  (Hence my post about not tracking my weight until week 6 postpartum.)  So I have been discouraged.  And down.  And frustrated.

I look at how far I have to go and it makes me want to crawl under my covers with a box of ding dongs (and I don't even like ding dongs!)

So I got to thinking....why can't this be easier!?  I mean really, why doesn't it have to take so much effort to shed weight and get fit?

That was when I had my "ah-ha" moment.

It has to be hard so that you will never, EVER want to go back!

And with that thought, I sucked it up and faced the difficult.  I laced up my running shoes, put together my new double jogger, and hit the road running.

The run/walk wasn't easy, but it wasn't as hard as I had worked it up to be in my head.  Sure, I may have had to wear 3 sports bras for support.  And sure, I was slow.  And yes, my incision had that burning sensation.  But, as usual, when I was done...I felt amazing!

If I can get out there and run/walk...why can't you?  Seriously.  Throw your excuses out the window like I did mine.  Get out there, and you will feel so much better when you're done!  How much better?  Well, if you're like me...you'll feel so great that you'll take the time to get dressed, hair done, AND make-up done all in the same day!  (A task that hasn't happened since I delivered Madison 4 weeks ago!)

Ultimately, it doesn't matter how fast you go.  Or how far you go.  It just matters that you go!  Now close your internet browser and go do something RIGHT NOW that puts you on the path to a better, healthier you!

Double double

Why are double chins so adorable on babies....and so ick on grown ups like me?

Just popping in to say running endurance goes away when you aren't using it.  And it stinks!  But I'm determined to slowly build up my distance and speed again! 

Wanna join me?

The beginning. Again.

Today it started again.

Over the weekend I planned out my plan.  (Yes.  I'm an over-planner.)

I made myself spreadsheets.
I took measurements.
I weighed in.

And.  I recruited my Mr. to join me this time around.

That's right folks.  Over the next 4 months, I will be reporting (good or bad) on both mine and Jason's progress.

We are doing this TOGETHER for the first time.

In the past, he's gotten motivated and ready to lose weight....and I wasn't.
And then I got motivated to lose all my weight when he wasn't around, thus coming home to a wife of a new size...

This time, we both are ready.

We opted to turn one of our rooms into this:

I've never been a lifter.  Like ever.  Ever, ever!  

But I not only want to lose the weight I put on in my pregnancy, but I also want to firm up my body.  There's a saying that I love...losing weight helps you look good in clothes, lifting weights helps you look good out of them.

That's just it, friends.  I want to be healthy and FIT!  I want definition to my body.  I want curves, but I want ripped curves.  I'm not aiming to be a body builder, by any means!  But I am aiming to be fit.

So for the next 12 weeks, I have made our excel spreadsheets and will be following a routine.  Mine and Jason's are a bit different.  But we both have our plan set, and we have both already finished our workouts for today!

We took measurements last night and I will share those with you as we have something to compare them to.  However, I'll probably be sharing the weekly weigh-in's more frequently than the measurements.  

I feel great!  I am excited, here comes a new couple...I can't wait!

(Now I'm off to find a great sports bra for these nursing boobies....any suggestions???)