Where have I been?

Let's see...I've been lost, I've been busy, I've been swamped, I've been sick, I've been nursing sick kids back to health, I've fallen apart, I've gotten back up.

Life is insane.  Really insane.  And hard.

By hard, I mean like really super duper ridiculously difficult.

But the hard things pay off in the end.....right?

Right.

I'm still stuck in my ways.  Not gaining, not loosing.  Wanna know why?  Because I'm not changing things up like I need to!

I found a picture today that scared me though.

That was me, just a short year ago (a year ago in November).  I was big.  Yes, I was pregnant...but not pregnant enough.  Mostly, I was just fat.

I don't want to meet that girl again.  But scarily (is that a word?) she lives inside of me.  She rears her ugly appetite when delicious muffins are around, or cheesecake is mentioned.  She comes out of the closet like a girl with a vengeance.

I am trying my best to curb her.  To lock her up and throw away the key.  But I don't want to get rid of her forever.

You see, if I get rid of her...I might forget.  I might go back.  I can't go back.  It's hard enough staying where I'm at now.  (I hate where I'm at right now, I hate that I'm not loosing like I was before.)  But as bad as it is where I am now, I realize how TERRIBLE going back to that picture would feel!

I lugged my Redhead to bed last night, she was heavy!  Like 40-some-odd-pounds heavy.  1/2 way up the stairs I realized I used to carry around more than her ALL DAY LONG.  Can you imagine?

Do you want to know an even scarier thought?

I still have about her weight to lose......

Today

Today is Monday.  (In case you don't read the header above this, and if you do....I like to state the obvious.)

I had a pretty good day today.  I tracked well!  Really well.  I made dinner for the 3rd night in a row!  THIRD NIGHT IN A ROW PEOPLE!

You see, I have had trouble with the whole cooking thing.  (Perhaps another reason I have been slowly gaining my weight back??)

So this week I was determined to get back to the kitchen...and I have.  And it has been good.  (At least I think so!)

Tonight we had Lazy Day Lasagna.

(I might have forgotten to take the picture until AFTER we were finished...what can I say?  It was good!)

The family LOVED this recipe!  5 out of 5 stars!  

(I rank the stars by family members who finish the entire serving without complaining or whining that they don't like it.....)

And the best part, it was filling...very filling!  The whole meal came to 8 WW pts.  Mmmmmmm.

I also got a friendly run in again today.  Friendly, because I didn't feel like my lungs were on fire....maybe just about to catch on fire.

The good news, I did better than last run.  (Really, it would have been pretty pathetic to have done worse...)

I went from a 12:13 mile to a 11:18 mile.  Hooray for almost shaving a minute, right?  We'll see where tomorrow takes me...

My plan

Remember how I told you I was running a marathon?

Well, I am.  THIS marathon.

So.  I figured it was time to start running.

Consistently running.

A while back I found a great "starter" marathon training.  I am planning to use it, and hope it gets me ready for the big race in time.

Here is a sample of the training:

I adjusted it for the race I'm going to be running, along with the days I'm able to run (due to school, kids, and sometimes no husband.)

As you can see, my "official" first week isn't until January 29th.  

But, I knew it was going to be UGLY. 

I also knew that I needed to start.

You see, if I keep putting things off....then I'll always put things off.

I need to see change, so I need to BE change.

I haven't been incorporating a ton of exercise in my daily routine, and I knew that needed to change.

I had plans to run.

Yesterday.

Thursday.

Wednesday.

Tuesday.

(You get my point.)

Each day I woke up, telling myself...

"self, TODAY you are going to run."

Each day would pass....my running shoes still in the closet.

Today I woke up.  

(In more than one way.)

I decided today I had to stop postponing the inevitable.

Either I go to work, either I start moving more, either I start running.....

OR, I don't.  Or I stay where I'm at, slowly gaining what I've worked so hard to lose!

So today I ran.

I am using Nike+ to track my runs.  

I like this program, I've used it in the past. 

(Although I reset everything to have a "fresh start".)

(If anyone uses this, please "friend" me... alishabowling @ hotmail . com)

(notice the spaces in my email address so I don't get spammed...make sure you delete them!)

The program is awesome!  It works with iPhones, iPods, or you can buy a chip and it uploads directly online.

As I'm running, there are many options...  

*I can hand select the playlist I want to run to. 

*I can set it up for either a timed run or a distance run, or a free run.

*It interrupts my music throughout the run, letting me know when I'm 1/2 through, when I've hit milestones, letting me know my pace.

*When I'm through with my run, I can add notes about the run.

*It maps my GPS coordinates.

*I can log on and see my run after, even showing my paces throughout the entire run.

*And really, so much more!

So here was todays PATHETIC run.

(Did I mention, my lungs KILLED!) 

(Yes.  I am THAT out of shape!)

I plan to try and keep up my progress here, I think it would be nice to see the improvements I make.

(I only have improvements to make from this point!!!)

Check in

Today was my WW day.

Sadly, I have some pretty sick kids.  (Actually, I'm down to only 1 sick kid now...the other went back to school.  We've had the stomach bug floating around here.)  I think we are just about over the sickness, but the sick one still complains of a tummy ache, so I didn't wanna risk it!

Nonetheless, I still went to weigh in.  (Just missed the meeting part.)  I am all about accountability right now!

And despite giving in to an icecream milkshake last night...I was still down.  (BARELY.)  But I was down.

171.0

The good news?  Jason is home right now so I have major running plans set.

After all, I have a marathon to prepare for.  At one time I was going to run the Sand Hollow marathon, that is...until I found out it's an out and back race.

I can't do out and back races.

There is something about running and running and running a LONG ways, just to know I have to turn around and run all that way back.  ICK!  I'd much rather run and know I never have to look back again...

So, I found another race to focus on.  Only, this one isn't until July 24th.  It's the Deseret News Marathon, up in Salt Lake City.  (If my brain is accurate, it's actually the marathon my dad raced in many, many years ago!)

So I'm working on building my stamina for that race.  And trying to work out a routine that will allow me long runs with a hubby always gone.

So tonight...I run.

Stuck like glue

Sticking with it.

Mostly.

I've had a few hiccups....Cafe Rio, for one.

But I've tried to track faithfully, use my daily points and dip into my weekly points.

My steps have been hovering around 6,000 - 7,000 a day.  I'm still trying to get over the hump and get up to 10,000.  Who knew I was so low on my daily steps!?

As for my activity...until tonight, it has been none.  But, before I jumped on to blog tonight I decided to get my 30 minutes in.  I wanted to be able to :) and tell you all I made a step forward like I said I would.  And I did.

Day 2

Yesterday I ate well.  I hit the grocery store and stocked up on all the foods I should be eating.

Then.  I ate only those foods!

Also, I wore my pedometer the whole rest of the day.  I didn't end as close to 10,000 as I would have liked...actually, not even close.  But at least I know where I started.  Yesterday I had 5899 steps, equivocating to 1.86 miles walked just in my day-to-day walking.

My goal for today was to have more.....to increase my steps, and be as good with my eating.

Eating has been good so far.  Steps....I'm above yesterdays mark, but not by much!  I can see where I'm lacking.  Tomorrow I'm going to add in a walk I think.

Hopefully by the end of this week I'll see some movement on the scale in a direction that won't bring tears. :)

Day 1

It's easy to want to jump on here and blog when the scale is moving in a direction I like.

Real easy.

And consequently, it's extremely difficult and humbling to log on and be accountable when it's not.

Remember on Monday how I was going to throw away all the crap food in my house?  Remember on Monday how I said I had gained...but at least I wasn't up in the 170's again.

That would have been the case, if I knew what self-control was!

But I don't.

So today I stepped on the scale and I knew it was bad.  So bad that I was ready to not show up, I didn't want to show my face to such a number.  But I texted my mom that I was going, so I had to be accountable.  I had to face the music.

I'm not going to lie.  There were tears.  I tried to hide them, but I didn't do a very good job.  Sure, I guess you could say I was sad I gained.  But really, the tears were of anger.

Anger at myself!

I knew better.  I should have done better!

I let myself down.

I disappointed myself.

So enough with beating myself up...........

I stayed at the meeting and I am so glad I did!  I needed the energy to pick up the broken self I was.  We talked about looking at a time you've been successful and really focusing on what you were doing at that moment.

I've had several times.  Running my marathon.  Hitting my first 10% at WW, hitting my 2nd 10% at WW.  Hitting the smallest weight I've been in a decade.

So what was I doing then?  I was consistent.  Consistently counting and tracking points.  Consistently passing up food I know aren't good for me.  Consistently getting in physical exercise.

I'm doing none of that right now.

DUH!  No wonder I'm up so much.

So I thought hard about what I wanted to do this week....what I could commit to between today and next Thursday.

1.  Tracking.  I will count everything bite I eat for this next week.
2.  Exercise.  I will find 3 days where I can get at least 30 min of exercise in.
3.  Steps.  I want to increase my steps again to the 10,000 mark.  I used to wear my pedometer all the time. Now days, I don't even have a clue how many steps I'm taking in a day.  But, I'll let you know...I'm sticking it on RIGHT NOW.....hold on.  I'm grabbing it......Okay, it's officially on my hip.  I now have 4 steps for the day.

I can do anything for a week!  Then, I'll reevaluate.....

So here goes my week of work.  Today is Day 1, I'm going to take it a day at a time.  Today I am going to CHOOSE to do better.

Because it's a choice, ya know?  And I'm tired of the choices I've been choosing lately.....

Don't Stop!

I'm not stopping, are you?

I made it through the holidays.  Not sure entirely where my weight is, I know I'm still somewhere in the 160's...probably the high 160's, but at least it's not the 70's.  

I didn't do as well as I wanted through the holidays....shoot, I haven't done as well as I wanted for months now.  But I haven't stopped.

I am re-focusing.  Being strict with my point counting.  And tossing all the garbage food in my house TODAY!  

I turn the big 3-0 in almost 4 months...I'm determined to start my 30's off with a bang!  I'm determined to begin 30 at a healthy weight, one where I feel good about myself.

This weeks movin activity:  Just Dance 3.  I'll let ya know how it goes.....