Wednesday, December 14, 2011


Okay.  I'm here.  And I'm still hovering at the same point...

I've also come to a conclusion:

No matter how much weight I lose, once I am at a standstill (maintaining the weight) I go right back to feeling fat as ever!

In my head I try to be rational...I try to tell myself that I am still amazing for losing all the weight I have lost.  I try to reassure myself I am not as big as I see myself in my head.

But slowly, the negative self-talk creeps back into my head.  All the feelings I had when I was at my biggest are there...and THAT is how I see myself in the mirror!  It's a battle.  I have to fight with myself everyday in the mirror because I don't believe what I see.  I have to fight with myself because I catch myself calling me horrible things like fat.

What scares me is the thought I might always be like this.  I am scared I will never truly feel satisfied, I might never feel small.

I hate how just a few months ago I felt small, skinny, and awesome for being the size I am now.  Today, I guess I have gotten used to this size and I'm right back to feeling fat, and lazy.

I hate the mind games...

Does it ever get better??  Please tell me it does...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...